I just realized that I have not being doing justice to my tag line – there’s not much in this web log about my daily routine. It’s been more of a “web memoir” (bmemoir doesn’t have the pizazz of “blog” and seems potentially too bowel-related)…so I’ll give you a glimpse into the average day…
Appropriate Background Music
9:15 AM Alarm goes off. Ha-ha! There’s no fucking alarm! When you’re a laid off baller, YOU tell the clock what’s up. Although since I’m also technically a trader I should get up and get prepped for the market open. However, my #1 trading rule is don’t do anything during the first 30 minutes, so I have a little leeway.
9:16 AM Did I just feel a twinge in my left calf?? Must lay perfectly still. (Calf cramps are both my #1 nemesis and constant fear)
10:45 AM Awaken. Mull breakfast choices. Four Seasons Restaurant? They make a delightful Eggs Tirico; would also provide an opportunity to rub shoulders with heads of state and other financial titans. Or Quaker Instant Oatmeal? Hmmmm….since the Tirico includes bacon wrapped with sausage (topped with truffles and I think nacho cheese) it would probably not be as good for my cholesterol. I’ll go with the Quaker Oats, but let’s kick it up a notch – add a tablespoon of peanut butter. Jif. Diet Coke with Lime.
10:53 AM Contemplate going straight gangsta and adding a banana to cap my morning feast. They are good for cramp prevention. Fuck it. I run the calves, they don’t run me.
10:55 AM Check the market. My long plays are getting crushed. My short plays are going majorly green, and not in an environmentally way. My hedges are incorrectly apportioned. All is right with the world. (Side note: hey, Whole Foods, thanks a fucking lot! Long at $29, $22 and $17. Shorted calls at $12ish around earnings time. Then shorted further in anger – thanks for being one of the few stocks ever to fuck me 18 different times, both long and short. And IGT you are not far behind!)
11:07 AM Time to take a break for some, uh, internet research.
12:15 PM Take a look at some blog statistics. 3 unique vistors. Excellent – a 50% increase! 56 total page views from Moldova – it’s fantastic to see the energy I’ve spent on building a foundation in key Eastern European countries that I couldn’t find on a map and may in fact have thought were fictional James Bond countries has really paid off.
12:30 PM Turn on CNBC. God CNBC sucks. Dow up 15 points: “Is this the new bull market!?!” Dow down 7: “Are we headed for another Great Depression?!?” They really only want to deal in absolutes and hyperbole. That’s enough CNBC for today.
12:45 PM Get ready for the gym. Dammit, forgot to take the laundry in. How offensive to other gymgoers would it be if I recycled this shirt? It’s a wicking shirt, and given how much I sweat hasn’t it essentially just been through a major rinse cycle? I can’t wear a regular tee shirt due to excessive nipple friction – no way am I gonna be the bleeding nipple guy.
1:15 PM Finished lifting. I am looking huge. Mostly in the stomach area, but “two liter” has got to be right up there with “six pack” in the desirable stomach looks categories. Treadmill time.
1:20 PM A dude wearing Daisy Dukes with two Star magazines gets on the ‘mill next to me. There are 15 other open treadmills. This is unfortunate for him.
1:22 PM First dirty look from Mr. DD as he gets hit by dollops of my sweat for perhaps the 80th time. Fuck him, he’s reading Star, walking (at zero incline) at 3.0 mph, and occasionally taking phone calls. It’s not a workout if my 80 year old mom can do it without difficulty. He deserves the perspiration storm.
1:23 PM DD moves to another treadmill.
1:40 PM Finish up my 3.5 miler. My treadmill looks like a Peter North worksite.
2:10 PM Showered up and ready to face the day. Check market. Same as before. Too early for a glass of Y-tail? Yes.
2:20 PM Ponder lunch choices. But there is really only one. A place so exclusive that they have a gentleman planted outside the door every day at lunchtime – a veritable velvet rope. A place so exclusive that you need to have a special card to even gain access. A place that, no matter how many times you go there, the employees will act like they’ve never seen you before.
Yep, straight Qdoba, son. The gentleman out front is doling out quesadilla samples today, nice touch. I go with the usual – chicken pesto burrito – and opt for the tortilla strips inside. Sometimes I change the game on em and adorn in my own style with Frontera Chipotle salsa and some Tostitos Scoops from home. I struggle by today with Qdoba’s own hot and extra hot salsa inside my ‘to as my Frontera sources have gone dry.
2:25 What goes well with lunch? Chelsea Lately, that’s what.
2:40 Man, I’m getting kind of sleepy. Naps are lame, so fuck it, I’m gonna straight up go to sleep. If I go to bed for the night now, I will get up mad early tomorrow.
3:00 Phone rings. Ignore.
3:05 Phone rings. Ignore.
3:07 Phone rings. Ignore.
3:08 Phone rings. Ignore.
3:09 Was that a twinge in my right calf? Need to move a little.
3:11 Phone rings. Ignore.
3:23 Phone rings. Ignore.
3:25 Phone rings. Ignore.
3:29 Phone rings. Ignore.
3:35 Text message. Allright. Lets see what’s happening. 2:40 is probably too early to go to bed anyway. Two buddies are gonna be in my hood later, want to get together around 7:00.
3:36 Fuck. I am out of Y-tail. Head over to the local wine store, shoot the shit with the owner. Have following conversation:
Me: Did you see how fast we put down that case of Menage? Five days and it was only the two of us.
Him: That’s too much, you shouldn’t drink so much.
Me: I go to the gym a lot so it’s all good. And it’s fruit-based. It’s good for your business, right?
Him: You should really just drink in moderation.
Me: Did I grab four of these? I only need one bottle, thanks.
3:38 Note to self: need to balance out my wine store visits so there’s not some kind of intervention. Must hit the Korean store more often.
4:30 Wine is pretty delicious. This one has what tastes like really good tannins. Such a nice finish, what a delight.
4:45 Some sitcoms hold up okay over time. Wings is not one of them.
5:13 A power nap is different from a nap. No sheet or covers involved, more like a period of meditation.
6:30 I really wish this fucking couch was longer than the average loveseat.
7:00 Meet friends literally across the street from my house. They suggest that since it’s my neighborhood I should pick the bar we head to. Momentarily flustered as the bar I most frequent is my table. Okay, my SO’s table. I don’t want these guys to know I live “the Yellow Tail life” almost exclusively. I’ve been to only 1-2 lame bars in my mondo ghey neighborhood, but will figure it out on the fly.
7:10 Enter a nice enough looking bar with a sports motif, lots of life-size NY Giants posters. One of my buddies is a Giants fan; since he is a Bitter Guy, he is surprisingly pleased with the selection.
7:11 Notice on the opposite wall, a life size depiction of a different physical activity: dude getting plowed by another dude. Must keep friend’s head between me and this image – have locked eyes with him so strongly he probably thinks I’m now ghey by association.
7:13 The other guys notice the artwork. Questions arise: Are the Giants gay icons? Is Eli Manning, specifically?
7:15 Questions remain unresolved. I get a buyback from the bartender. Bear potential?
9:00 We decide to take the party back to our apartment. This is when the shit gets right out of control – when you have reached the top of the business world and traveled the globe extensively it takes a lot to keep the adrenaline pumping.
9:15 Bust out the PS3. Play the most violent ,over the top shit we have.
10:57 Decide to blow the roof off this motherfucker: America’s Best Dance Crew repeat. One of our guests was Asian (He’s Chinese but pretends to be Korean). Thinks he’s the lost member of the Jabbawockeez. Retarded Canadian friend scoffs at tremendous skills and athleticism being demonstrated and goes off on 62 minute tangent about hockey – slowly sapping our collective will to live.
11:59 I would say we went out and got even MORE crazy, but it was only Thursday, yo. We were keeping something back for the weekend, you know? Not every day is off the fucking hook like this, but you have to be ready, because sometimes they materialize out of thin air.
I am going to the Bahamas for the a few days, so next week will feature a guest writer or two, as well as possibly a Lazy River live blog!