Recipe for Disaster

 

 

 

Ingredients (marinade):

  • 1 Six mile run
  • 1 Corona
  • 1.5 Dark and Stormies
  • 3.0 Martinis (gin)
  • 1 dinner at Nobu

Directions (marinade):

Start Sunday with the six mile run, preferably in the late afternoon.  Follow the run not with Gatorade, but with the beer and DNS’s.  Have dinner with Academy buddy and wife (Tropril for anonymity’s sake) at Nobu – take care not to eat too much rice or other carbs to ensure poor decision making later.  Due to work obligations, make sure Tropril have to leave early from dinner, to leave ample time for said poor decisions.  Let sit for two hours.

Ingredients (main course):

  • SO’ stroke of genius 
  • Internet connection
  • Plans to have Memorial Day cookout on back patio
  • Proximity to train station
  • Gosling’s Dark Rum
  • Goya Ginger Beer
  • Empty Poland Springs bottle
  • Contempt for Borgata

 Directions (main course):

After discussing Vegas trip over dinner, have SO use stroke of genius to suggest quick trip to AC on new train service.  Use internet connection to confirm that there is an 11:00 PM train getting in at 2:00 AM and a return trip at 10:00 AM (important: disregard the fact that the 10:00 AM return is actually for next Friday, there is no train service to AC during the week).  Throw cookout plans in the trash.  Pour rum and ginger beer into Poland Springs bottle – brilliant subterfuge, that looks exactly like water!  Rush to train station.  Throw contempt for Borgata in the trash.

Once at Borgata, proceed to go up $7k within the first five minutes by throwing money around like a moron.  Have this plan stop working starting at minute six.  Do not leave craps table until 3:00 PM.  Serve and enjoy!

 

Postmortem:

I feel like shit.  I did a wonderful job packing for this impromptu adventure, taking the following items: the clothes I was wearing (unfortunately including my ‘gamo loafers that hurt like mofos), my phone and a phone charger.  That was it.  Luckily SO took our tooth brushes (teethbrush?).  By 3:00 PM I needed a sand blaster to get back to the enamel layer of my teeth (which is especially painful for someone who brushes about 13 times per day).  I did realize a few things on this trip though.

Warning Signs That Should Lead To Reevaluation of Your Life

  • You find yourself drinking alcoholic beverages out of Poland Springs bottles in public
  • Your urine has the exact same color and (apparently) viscosity as Red Bull
  • You find yourself still standing at the exact same craps table at 3:00 PM that you were standing at at 3:00 AM

I hit all three of these, so I did some thinking and had a couple of epiphanies.  From here on out, I’m turning over a new leaf.  No drinking.  No gambling.  I’ll probably do some volunteer work.  Maybe become a vegeterian.  Read more (I’ve still got like 820 pages of Kavalier and Clay left, but all the detailed gay stuff has slowed my momentum a bit).  Become more tolerant of others.  Use this website to advance the state of the world.  Do good.  Take fewer naps.  Curse less.  Burrito moderation.  I’m doing it all – a whole new me!

Hmmm, I forgot we are headed back to Atlantis in 2.5 weeks…maybe I’ll keep the leaf where it is for now and turn it over after I’m back from the ATL…given that a couple friends are going too, it would be rude to be too evangelical, right?

 

Chilly17

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  1. #1 by christmashangover on May 26th, 2009 - 2:19 pm

    After a small weekend bender in south beach during hip hop (memorial day) weekend, SO has sworn off day time drinking when we go to hotlantis. i however, think it would be rude to leave me drinking/gambling by myself during the day at the outdoor gaming tables. leaf turnover in 3 weeks. not today my friend…not today.

  2. #2 by chilly17 on May 26th, 2009 - 3:19 pm

    i suppose i can apply to divinity school after the atlantis trip #4…

  3. #3 by SO on May 26th, 2009 - 4:35 pm

    I would just like to point out that the plan was a stroke of genius, and did include throwing a pretty spectacular bbq, had it not been for chilly17′s inability to (a) read a train schedule, (b) walk away from a table (as evidenced by the fact that he had no idea where the bathroom was at 2 pm), (c) stop drinking red bull voluntarily (he failed to mention the casino had to cut him off around 10 AM for fear he might have a heart attack and die at the table or else grow wings), and (d) believe that he really wasn’t going to win any money after minute 6…

  4. #4 by chilly17 on May 26th, 2009 - 4:58 pm

    This is inaccurate, i think i went to the bathroom once at like 7:00 AM but I forgot where at was as the Borgata is the most confusing fucking place in the world. it’s way too circular, i have to wander through the whole place every time, so i try to minimize my travel. one beautiful day a casino will make my greatest idea a reality: craps tables with urinals built in….

  5. #5 by christmashangover on May 27th, 2009 - 12:06 pm

    You raise an interesting point Chilly17. if we think about the lady who rolled for 4+ hours….she was probably standing / watching for at least a few rolls before her turn. So lets say she was there for 5 hours. She was also of the geriatric persuasion. How did she last 5 hours without a bathroom break?

  6. #6 by chilly17 on May 27th, 2009 - 12:16 pm

    I think there were probably human shields and a couple of those large cups that hold slot money in play there. No other way for that to work (especially if she was hopped up on the Bull)

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