Couple orders of business today, before I get back to the regularly scheduled tripe. First, last Thursday was a sad day for any children of the late 70′s/early 80′s. I will add more about Farrah tomorrow in a separate post, but I do want to mention that her obituary in the paper of record is garbage. You’re telling me the author of that piece couldn’t focus a little more on what she was than what she wasn’t? Bullshit – I’d take Farrah’s legacy any day (if I was, you know, a woman). Alessandra Stanley, this piece reads like the expunging of petty high school demons (ie a smite upon one of the pretty, popular girls).
Anyway, the Farrah news got sadly overshadowed by the MJ news. I think for most the news of Michael Jackson’s death wasn’t that shocking given the amount of prescription drugs one presumed he was taking – the physical tolls of touring, dancing and performing alone would probably result in some chronic aches and pains, not to mention the insane amounts of plastic surgery he subjected himself to. His premature death did allow people to stop for a moment and consider his substantial contributions to music, dancing and popular culture in general.
Most of the tributes were somewhat reserved, given the allegations of child molestation that dogged him, but ultimately Michael will be given a pass historically because he was (allegedly) never really allowed to grow up, living in a preadolescent fantasy environment throughout his adulthood. I’m not sure I believe the suggestions that years of abuse (physical? sexual?) and the pressure of early stardom set him on an irreversible course, but there’s little to be gained from further speculation, and there is no disputing how incredible he was as a performer and his impact on global, not just American, pop culture. He was about to do 50 (largely sold out) shows in London! That’s the definition of enduring appeal.
Jesus, this is the most serious I’ve ever been on this website – I’m pretty sure I will win a Hugo, Pulitzer or web equivalent for this. Marking an official end to this “serious” phase, here is one of my favorite MJ (as part of The Jacksons) tunes, the underrated “State of Shock.” For some reason, the real video where the Jacksons were in some kind of spaceship appears to have been wiped from the universe, but this clip has some concert snippets and what appears to be an entire Pepsi commercial.
The other topic I wanted to cover was originally suggested by top commenter TDiddy. That’s right, the first ever wastedpotentialz.com mailbag! I receive a decent stream of questions running the gamut from tarded to retarded. So if you have a question, send it in – most of the queries I receive are about business school, life on the Street or random pop culture stuff. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or drop a question in the comments. I will pick the most stimulating ones that do not violate any local or federal laws.
Q: Chilly, you have to choose between one of the following two options. Makeup, surgery, etc are not allowed to obfuscate either alternative – only clothing reasonably expected to be worn by an average citizen is allowed.
Would you rather have:
a.) Peter Criss’ makeup permanently tattooed to your face, or
b.) A second penis located on the right side of your abdomen, exactly half-way between your armpit and your waist. (For clarity’s sake, a penis only, no testicles involved – testiclez if you want to keep your format intact)
I wrote a 6,000 word response to this question, replete with decision trees, regression analyses, potential psychological, vocational and social considerations, etc and then realized that I probably provide a greater service to my readers by posting the response for everyone to read, just in case this exact situation ever presents itself to one of them.