I did not lose everything over the weekend (+ Monday) – I still have: a complimentary copy of the weekend USA Today, an international-sized bag of Funyuns, and a firm belief that a worldwide cabal of casino cashiers is involved in a conspiracy targeting only me. I was also able to keep my streak alive of acting my age and doing things in moderation – the dealers even lit up with laughter when they saw me the next day! It’s nice to be able to brighten people’s days just by acting maturely and being a great guy.
Very fun trip, overall. Did roughly 320 laps on the lazy river. The Cove’s DJ is phenomenal – ”Blame It” is a mega hit at the pool. People tend to personalize the lyrics to fit their needs (“Blame it on the ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hard four”). Ironically, the only member of our group who won money (unless Xmas had a big comeback that I don’t know about) was RB, who wasn’t gambling. She got a little dough in the game during the only (two minute) hot streak of the trip, won $500 and cashed out. Smart.
One solid thing about the trip is that I finally finished my tidal charts for the lazy river, which is nice. No more getting stuck in eddies for me. We also brilliantly changed our entry point to the wave machine area (a little further walk, but worth it); this gives some flexibility if you want to hop off at the next exit and go back to the wave machine. The highlight of the trip for me was destroying a full-bodied male coming out of one of the bigger waves. You’ll see a lot of 40 pound little kids get flipped in the right situation, but it takes some special physics to spill a 250 pound dude.
Enough vacation – it’s time to get back to “work”
Chilly17
#1 by christmashangover on June 17th, 2009 - 2:56 pm
2 comments:
1. i went on a late run sunday night and wound up finishing up about $400 for the trip (just enough to cover the Energy/utility tax they charge you per night per room).
2. as an eyewitness to you destroying the 40 year old man in the lazy river, i must say it was the highlight of the trip. not only did you flip him, but you actually propelled him back first into the retaining wall on the west edge of the LR. Then, while visibly dazed and shaken up, he proceeded to actually flip over.
#2 by christmashangover on June 17th, 2009 - 3:01 pm
And, pro forma for the 5-hundee piece i dropped on my stumble home friday night, i was up $900 for the trip.
#3 by Rail Bird on June 18th, 2009 - 3:02 pm
Lessons in gambling from Chilly:
1) Always cheer for yourself. When you do, you win a lot more money and garner the admiration of the table, if not the entire casino, when you shout at the top of your lungs, “SHOOTER! SHOOTER!!” It is also helpful to talk to yourself and your body parts in first person. “Come’on me!” and “This is how we do it!” are acceptable as long as proceeded with a kiss to the right or left bicep.
2) Your SO’s name is always good luck and should be yelled continuously between cheers for yourself (see #1). If you can, incorporate your SO’s name into a theme song that you will sing at the top of your lungs. This gets you extra points and extra luck at the table, especially if you get other players to ask each other, “Who is [insert SO’s name]?” or “Does that guy have Tourette’s?”
3) Never eat. Food leads to food coma and you cannot possibly play well while half asleep. Therefore, the only acceptable sources of nourishment are: vodka, Redbull and more vodka. This diet is helpful in ensuring that #1 and #2 occur without embarrassment. Bonus points if you can do this for 48 hours straight. But as a warning, this could induce a state of acute despair. If you start prefacing everything with, “If I am alive tomorrow…” or saying, “I’m never going to drink anymore” you must abort #3. At this point, eat a pepperoni pizza. The only positive aspect at this point is that it will be the best pizza of your life.
4) Use abbreviations so that no one knows what you are talking about. Try statements like, “F the B!” and “I don’t give an S!” to confuse the dealers and other players. Also, it’s important to explain right away that you are abbreviating, in case people couldn’t tell already, so that you don’t get kicked out of the casino. It’s a great strategy because no one who speaks the English language or watches American television could possibly know what you are saying when you scream, “F the B!” Once in a while, you can throw in non-abbreviated sentences like “I am getting raped in the ass” to throw everyone for a loop.
5) Be devout. Unbeknownst to most of us, dealers are religious. It is always helpful to announce to the table that you are “doing God’s work.” Most of the male dealers will smile and nod their heads at you as they too are doing the Lord’s work despite the fact that their eyes wander down girls’ shirts or linger on nice asses. You may need to do a little more convincing with female dealers. When your SO tells you that it’s time to leave, you can take this opportunity to say, “I am on a mission. God’s work is never done.” No one will doubt you after that.
#4 by chilly17 on June 18th, 2009 - 3:12 pm
These are all very good suggestions, I’m going to incorporate them into my style. Except for that “God’s work” bit – I’ve heard it doesn’t work too well with extremely religious blackjack dealers.
Oh yeah, blackjack is the Devil’s game.