My Life Would Be Okay With Less Shia LaBeouf In It

My Life Would Be Okay With Less Shia LaBeouf In It

I struggled with the title for this post….”I hate Shia LaBeouf” – too strong….”What’s up with all the fucking Shia LaBeouf movies?” – too profane….”Does a last name with two capital letters automatically doom you to douchiness?” – too capitalization-oriented…I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but I would be okay with less Shia in my life.  Maybe a lot less.

I mean, who is clamoring for more movies with this kid?  Originally marketed as a “good kid with his head on straight who’s really candid with interviewers,” he’s subsequently had multiple run-ins with the law: getting arrested for not leaving a Walgreens, an arrest warrant for smoking in a no-smoking restaurant, a DUI accident that resulted in a mangled hand (of course charges were dropped due to “insufficient evidence” – I’m pretty sure Average Joe in LA gets the same treatment).  If he’s going for the street cred, I think “trespassing in Walgreens” falls a little short of “took on every bouncer at The Viper Room.”  In early interviews, he criticized other young celebs for making mistakes leading to bad press – in his defense I think he was specifically referring to Lindsay Lohan, who has been generally deserving of all recent criticisms.  But still, a bit hypocritical.

And yet he came out of this smelling like a rose, and even has the Transformers sequel coming out today, ensuring another nauseauting round of press.  Interviewers love him, and it’s easy to see why if you take a look at this GQ article from June 2008 or the Playboy interview from June 2009 (I won’t link to it since there’s all that vulgarity and such on that tawrdy website) – he’s fucking insane with the intimate revelations.  Most people would be a little embarassed if they shit their pants until they were twelve, but not Shia!  He has the interviewer confirm the disgusting, disturbing facts with his mom.  Speaking of his mom, he also referred to her as the sexiest woman he knows – given that he knows Megan Fox, his mom must be off the fucking charts.  He went so far as to suggest he’d be with her now if possible – no fucking wonder the interviewers kiss his ass, your article is going to be pretty widely read with all these unreal sound bites.  Sadly, unlike Spencer Pratt, I don’t think Shia says this shit to get press – I think these thoughts are real (maybe not sane, but real).

Safe for work - this is in GQ magazine for goodness sake - they market it to like 4th graders! Now let's see Shia's mom.
Safe for work - this is in GQ magazine for goodness sake - they market it to like 4th graders! Now let's see Shia's mom.

I’ve read some articles where Shia’s appeal is spelled out – funny, talented, attractive but not over-the-top-to-the-point-of-sacrificing-relatability-with-young-males.  “Young Tom Hanks” -WTF???  Where’s his Bosum Buddies?  I don’t see it – Tom Hanks was carrying some fairly hilarious movies at the early stage of his career, not working against greenscreens in ready made summer blockbusters.  That whole Disney lineage has led to far too many pre-packaged careers for this generation of Young Hollywood.

I’d compare Shia more to a Justin Timberlake – again a not-strikely-handsome guy who has connected with the public in a big way.  Difference being, Timberlake is fucking talented.  (Ghey alert!)  Consistently hilarious on SNL, made the most of his own pre-packaged musical career and has bedded some of the hottest talent that LA has to offer.  Interestingly, in his film career, Timberlake has chosen the character actor path for some of the reasons elucidated above (I’m finished talking about how good- or bad-looking dudes are – hey, that’s Megan Fox up there!).  I hope Shia goes that route in at least some of his movies in the future – is he really a leading man type actor?

One, other thing:

young shiascreech9

Separated at










Til then,





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