I have been living like Laura Ingalls Wilder and didn’t even realize it. I must shamefully admit that I have been operating my shower by turning a knob and then estimating the temperature by touching the water stream. What a dick! Why would someone want to go through the hassle of turning a knob, when instead one could simply go through 7-8 simple touchscreens for a precision body-washing experience?
And what kind of loser doesn’t realize that the color of the shower lighting can really make or break the whole bathing-while-standing experience? Feeling melancholy? A little bit of green fluorescent lighting will put the spring right back in your step. Getting fired up to watch Navy/Notre Dame? The red lighting really adds to the fired-up ambience (although you won’t really need it since Navy owns the Leprechauns now).
And how is it that in today’s advanced society, more people aren’t tuned in to what their optimal shower temperature is? I was constantly tweaking when I was a knob-based loser, one millimeter either direction and it’s too hot or too cold. Now? On the 6th menu screen, I just dial up 102 degrees. Done – that’s my number. No more wishy-washy (hygiene puns free of charge).
And how did I ever survive with only one shower head? In retrospect, it makes sense: how can one shower head provide optimal cleanliness to all of one’s disgusting body parts? One must have separate nozzles pointed at the cranial, torsal, anal and footal regions of the body for optimal freshness. Must. And if those multiple shower heads project water at sandblaster levels of volumetric flow rate, all the better. That’s 21st century hygiene right there.
Once I figure out how to turn this fucking shower off, I totally might take another shower.
Vegas – what will they think of next?