Now, to the Xmas party – that is rough. Not knowing anyone would suck generally, but if you are also some kind of senior dude, that will suck specifically. Everyone’s going to assume you are a dick (they are correct), so I’d go with a bit of distraction to draw attention away from your actual personality.

Most people would roll with a festive holiday tie or maybe a Santa hat. I suggest you do something more distinctive. Your best bet is probably wearing a lucha libre mask and only speaking dialogue from the movie Old School. Never go out of character, that will keep them guessing.

If you think lucha libre is too much, maybe you could get some concentric circles that cover your head instead? Whatever you do, don’t display your real personality, wait til you’re reaming some poor bastard over TPS reports for that shit to bubble to the surface.

I’ve got my first holiday party in 8 years coming up. I’ll be the new guy on the executive team. I’m “new” to the company but a senior member by position. What’s the appropriate etiquette here? I want to make a good impression without getting too deep into any personal topics. The less they know about my religious/political views the better. (note: I believe that we evolved from sea slugs, there is no heaven, and that every life lost in the middle east has been wasted).

My plan is to spend a few minutes with everyone (many people won’t have met me yet). I’m also going to try and avoid my favorite topic – talking about my grand experiences in the Navy. I don’t want to taint any of my new coworkers with stories of me wanting to shoot myself with a large caliber handgun while standing watch.

This site is anonymous, right? I don’t want any of this coming back to haunt me when I run for president as the first polish, italian, nigerian to win the oval office.