I like words. Or, more accurately, I used to like words before too much exposure to the brain-addling Yellow Tail / reality TV combo. I used to be able to unjumble every word in the motherfucking Jumble with just a two second glance. Now I struggle with the People Magazine crossword (hint: there’s always something Three’s Company-related). The other night, I dreamt about writing a post about palindromes. Forget for a moment how friggin lame my dreams must be – given the creative drought I am slogging through, this was a genius idea. I mean, who doesn’t fucking love palindromes? (Urge to make lame Sarah Palin joke resisted.) For the uninitiated, palindromes are sentences that are the same forwards and back, like, for example “Bob, Bob, bob.” I had a sweet intro all planned out based on this movie Palindromes, by Neil LaBute (director of such life-affirming fare as In The Company Of Men and childhood rape-nostalgiac Your Friends & Neighbors). The movie, I vaguely recalled, was a depressing affair memorable mostly for a notorious sex scene between Selma Blair and Samuel Jackson, in which he shouted racial slurs throughout. So the transition from Palindromes to the topic “palindromes” was gonna be a fucking smooth one, similar to how my finest pitchbooks effortlessly moved between empirical observation to corporate self-promotion.
Except for one small thing: my recall of that movie was entirely incorrect. I was thinking of a movie called Storytelling, not Palindromes. I also confused the misogynistic/depressing/controversial director; it was Todd Solondz (Happiness – take a shower after viewing – and Welcome To The Dollhouse among his credits). And Samuel Jackson wasn’t the one screaming (how unlikely is that?) the epithets, he’s making Selma scream them at him. But the most absolutely shocking thing is that it wasn’t Samuel Jackson – it was Robert Wisdom! This is phenomenal for two reasons: 1) Samuel Jackson is in pretty much every fucking movie ever made (he offered to work with me if I ever want to put together vids for this site – he’s like the Black Eyed Peas of acting); and 2) Robert Wisdom is better known as Bunny Colvin from The Wire! Bunny was arguably the most morale and likable character in The Wire (Hamsterdam notwithstanding); it’s hard for me to reconcile those rough sex scenes with his work to come as Bunny.
So much for the whole Palindromes tie-in then. Palindromes are awesome though. I’m not gonna leave you hanging here.
Top 10 Palindromes of Ever
5. No son, onanism’s a gross orgasm sin. A no-no, son!
4. Swap God for a janitor, rot in a jar of dogs paws.
3. Lisa Bonet ate no basil.
2. A slut nixes sex in Tulsa.
1. Go hang a salami, I’m a lasagna hog.
I once spent a decent amount of time working on my own palindrome, it’s harder than you would think. Well, to do by hand it is, I’m sure adding some computer firepower makes it pretty easy. The best I could come up with was something of a stretch, but I imagined it might work as a headline for an oldtimey newspaper that had one of those farmers almanac lines at the top with such reminders as “plant potatoes, harvest cheddar.”
The Resultant Chillydrome: ”REWARD: A nut stops dog anus. Sun a god’s pots, tuna drawer.”
Til Tuesday (Wednesday? The ole sleep schedule is a might bit fucked, I slept from 2:45 til 4:15 AM today and have been up since. It’s 8:30 AM. FML. Oh wait, I can sleep whenever I want. DFML),
Chilly17, wasted potential