Happy Friggin Birthday to…

Happy Friggin Birthday to…


…me, I guess…this place is now one year old!  (No need to send me anything.)  To all the haters who said it couldn’t be done, look at me now!  A nice, tidy 150 posts – a few of which were 75% suck-free.  I’m clearly moving on up in the world.  A little reflection is due on a day like today, so let’s take a look back at some of the highlights of the last 365…christina, veronic, goatees




5 Things I’ve Learned (Other Than That People Are Fond Of Goatees, Would Like To See Veronica Hamel Naked And Are Curious To Know Christina Hendrick’s Dimensions)


1.  There are three kinds of people in the world: 1) Creative types who pursue their passions (artists, entrepreneurs, break dance crews), odds against them be damned; 2) Book-smart, risk-averse types who can execute and keep the ball rolling on pre-existing ideas; and 3) People who are the second type of person but think they fit in the first category.

2.  I’m a category three person.

3.  Frequenters of this site particularly dislike pharmaceutical rep stories.

4.  Homophone errors will happen even to the non-mentally disabled.

5.  A website – like a dog with a leash in its mouth, looking longingly at the door when you are trying to take a nap – can make you feel pretty guilty and lazy.



10 Strangest Search Queries That Led Someone Here


10.  fucking joyce davenport

9.  fuck yeah pretty sriracha

8.  hot chicks against tighty whities

7.  tourettes guy hot pot

6.  how many jello shots does a fifth of burnett s make

5.  avoiding the lecherous at holiday parties

4.  volcano burrito makes me sleepy

3.  groupies who been with peter criss

2.  potsy happy days menopause

1.  you have to ask me nicely pitches ebitda goddam right


Commenters of the Year


Tough battle at the top, but good stuff all around.

5.  T – Mysterious stranger who likes to throw stuff at little kids.

4.  EZ – Shining star from the early days who’s sadly gone radio silent.

3.  christmashangover – A consistent reminder of how drunk you shouldn’t get.

2.  Dicksuckha1#/Dicksuckha#1 – A mainstay of the site, adds significant value despite distinct maple leaf odor associated with comments.

1.  T-Diddy/T-Woww – The most prolific commenter; his legendary comment led to My Top Three Reality Show Ideas post.  MVP of year one in a closely contested battle.



Comment of the Year


Alyssa, I don’t know who you are, but please come back.   We need to hang out more.

Comment #5 from The Haunting Poetry of Lady Gaga post:


dear person,

you’re a fucking ra-tard. Poker face is about sexuality. RESEARCH LADY GAGA MORE DUMBASS.


It’s perfect.  From the very specific phonetics of “ra-tard” to the all caps finish, it’s just perfect.  Looking forward to more insights, A.  Call me.



Top Five Accomplishments of The Year (Yeah, You’ve Heard Many of These Before, Suck It Up, It’s Hard To Accomplish A Lot on A Free Website)


5.  My website was blocked by powers that be at Jefferies.

4.  I was briefly a player in the Megan Fox Google Image search arena.  Probably should look back on that era for a moment.


photo shoot, good. talking, bad.



3.  I created a word, tierarchy, to describe the power structure of wall street tie brands.  Creating a word is pretty bad-assed.

2.  My research has been well-received and I’m becoming a presence in the “munchos + anal leakage” search community.

1.  I am a bonafide candy bar expert.  It’s right there in Google.  I try to start up candy bar discussions whenever possible, then stun the crowd with the revelation that I am in fact the proprietor of an esteemed website recognized by Google as an expert in the field.  Fantastic at parties.



Coolest Thing That Happened All Year


Having Romeo JD of the Boogie Boys – only one of my favorite rap groups of the mid-80s! – leave a comment on this post about Reassessing My Life’s Goal.  Hopefully in 2010 somebody from UTFO will drop me a line and then we will be all set.



Time to have some cake,

Chilly17, wasting potential for 366 days now


4 thoughts on “Happy Friggin Birthday to…

  1. Happy birthday chilly. Thanks for the shout out. I promise you I will be your #1 commenter next year. It is my #3 goal for 2010. Right behind “Throw a toaster at a whiny 4 year old” and “Buy a matching Hermes baseball glove”.

  2. Happy Chilly B-day. I’ve been addicted to your insightful wisdom for about a month now (as a result of falling victim to searching google for the undisputed candy bar champion). It’s gotten me through countless hours at the office. Each post is like a golden manna nugget hurled down to our eathly domain by Zeus himself. Here’s to many more – keep ’em coming.

  3. Those are estimable goals, T. You are off to a strong start. Take a look at the Hermes saddle as well – if you are sporting both baseball gloves and the saddle at 1OAK, you will have your pick of the ladies.

  4. Jeebus, Mike, that’s probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about this site. I’m more used to “your a maron” or “goatees aren’t fucking stupid you fucking yankee I’ll kick yer ass if I ever see you on the street.” You are currently high on the leaderboard for commenter of the year for year 2.

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