(Disclaimer: I am generally not in the practice of making fun of babies. It’s not that I’m scared of babies – I’m pretty sure I could kick the sh-t out of most babies out there; in fact, I recall a website telling me a few years ago that I could handle an attack by 15 five year olds, so I could probably thrash two dozen or so babies at a time. No, I usually don’t make fun of babies because it’s generally not their fault if they are wearing funny clothing, messing up subject-verb agreement, or whatever.
Looks are even further out of a baby’s control (unless they have somehow banged their head into a shape that is no longer roundish or something), so I’ve shied away from the unattractive baby topic to keep my karma intact. (Hell, I might’ve even been an ugly baby myself. I doubt it, based on how good-looking I turned out, but it’s possible. As a baby, you generally aren’t even all that concerned with how hot you look.) But given how supermodels are always talking about how “ugly” and “awkward” they were as pre-teens, perhaps being a super ugly baby suggests that the kid will grow up to be some kind of superdupermodel? Seems likely, so willing to take a chance on a taboo topic. /Disclaimer)
Have you ever seen that Seinfeld episode with the “breathtaking” baby, the baby so unpleasant to the eye that Jerry and Elaine recoiled in horror? I always thought that was typical sitcom exaggeration – what baby is that ugly? Have you ever seen the television program Friday Night Lights? (If you haven’t, you suck, I hate you and I wish a pox upon you and all your descendants.) You know the one with all the really attractive actors? And the shockingly ugly baby? The one whose head looks way too much like Kristen Wiig’s Denise character on the Lawrence Welk Show skits?
When Gracie Belle’s large melon hits the screen, we scream and hide behind our hands like we are watching Friday The 13th instead of Friday Night Lights. Her hats would be too big for Vince Vaughn. She inexplicably sports a mullet hairstyle preferred by balding meth addicts in the south. And the photo above is probably the best this kid has looked since infancy – there’s literally no screen shots out there of the “real” Gracie Belle, and I certainly am not subjecting myself to capturing them (seek them at your own risk). This casting makes particularly little sense given that the Taylors’ other child is portrayed by Aimee Teegarden.
It’ll be alright, though, GB. I understand you are played by triplets, so there’s a good chance that 1-2 of you will grow into those oversized noggins. You might even be the first females to play in the NBA.