I have come to realize that many of the folks that read this site have little to no need for free items (likely dreading the additional 1099 or the sensation of being in a charitable environment). If you recall, back in June I suggested that if my Apple $240/$230 put spreads finished fully in the money (which pretty much any ~25% monthly ROI apple put spreads have done for the last 8-10 months – if this makes no sense, don’t worry about it) I would give away an iPad on this site. And then I got busy, did a little marketing, doubled my traffic and kind of forgot about that promise (understandably, as my trading account was getting f*cked up like the gangsters’ shins in Shallow Grave)….then people started reminding me of the comment….and so I launched the contest last week, to what I considered to be considerable (Navy-issue double redundancy) fanfare.
And pretty much nothing happened. Sure, T-Diddy is gonna name his kid Chilly Wodzina. And Sam is more interested in Big Kats than an iPad. The only person who really stepped up with sincere value-add (since I know T-Diddy is a f-cking lying d-ck) is Ben from Australia. Check this out: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wasted-Potentialz/145245725492277. Yeah, suckas, straight up Facebook. I guess that means I’ve gotta get on that business.
I’m gonna be honest, we just got our iPad last week, and it is sweet. Watching The Battle for Kruger National, you feel like you are the baby buffalo, with a croc on your ass and five lions on your head and torso. Its form factor makes the dudes who designed the Audi R8 jealous. Plus, you can act like a complete d-ck when you whip it out in the coffee shop. But you gotta step up your games. I’m serious, this is gonna be the easiest sh-t ever for Ben from Australia if nobody steps up. Getting in the game is easy, but you f-ckers are apparently lazy and don’t want a free iPad from someone who is even willing to pay the f-cking postage (even to Oz, Ben).
1. Follow me on Twitter – say “Hey, I’d like a free iPad” and then retweet my iPad contest. Tell your friends to follow me and say “[Person X] sent me this way.” Hell, you can even say “you’re a d-ck” and still at least throw your hat into the ring.
2. Leave a comment here and direct like-minded individuals to do the same – I will tabulate this stuff so you don’t have to.
3. Facebook – I’ve never used it because of my interest in preserving my anonymity, but I will figure it out. Go there and friend some sh-t or something.
4. Stumbleupon – This is for the dorkier folks out there, stumble upon some stuff here (I’ve gotta figure out if I can track that easily, I’m not sure I can – don’t be shy if you do something, you’re trying to win a free extremely small but awesome netsurfing machine)
5. Email me with good ideas for posts (seriously, I’m hurtin)
6. Send me one (or several) of these:
7. Remind me of how the Braves are kicking the sh-t out of the Mets this year
8. Project for me how the 49ers are gonna step out of the shadows and win the Super Bowl this year (as teams coming off 8-8 seasons have done two of the last three years – this may be tough to do with a straight face)
9. Buy me an ice cream sandwich (Skinny Cow has proven a highly delectable yet low cal brand) or some Sour Patch Kids (never had them before last month, could easily eat 18 bags of them at a sitting)
10. Tell any friends with similar sensibilities to do the same (requires selfless friends who want to do something for you, at little to no expense (other than wasted time) to themselves – may be difficult to find such people).
We can’t make this too easy for Ben. Americans (I would say Canadians, too, but seriously, we all know Canadians cannot compete on any surface but ice) step up your game. Let’s make this a war.
(Note: Perhaps I shouldn’t have had four of those little bottles of wine on the way back from Memphis – but they were f-ing tasty. And, I got a buyback on the last one, so it’s really like I had three. Sure, we drank all the vodka in the house and finished the bottle of firefly, but we just spent four days in Arkansas. We were due.)
Something juicy is in the works – who’s the hottest chick on Mad Men? I’m sensing a surprise winner….