Back in the motherf-cking saddle…and here to talk about some television. Despite what the title of the post says, I see no reason to limit my critique to debuting (or re-starting) shows or even shows that I’ve actually seen. Don’t expect a lot of pictures – I’ve concluded that pictures are super-f0ocking-annoying and the reason I’ve been inactive for like six weeks. (Interestingly, traffic is not down in that time frame. Seems to correlate well with my MBA recruiting lesson: the less firms had seen me, the more they wanted to hire me. Here, it’s “the less you write, the better.”)
(If you want a certified opinion on any televised nonsense, I highly recommend Alan Sepinwall’s site – he’s the Joe Montana of television critics. Except he doesn’t like Glee, which seems weird. His all-consuming love of The Wire more than compensates for his lack of appreciation of non-treacly teenage satire, though.)
Might be some spoilers, so if you’re behind, be careful.
Finding its stride: Mad Men Draper still hasn’t found his mojo (and he pukes on himself a lot for such a hardcore alcoholic), but Peggy’s birthday episode was epic. Kudos to the writers for building characters so vivid that even a minor encounter such as Betty bumping into Don at a restaurant is fraught with tension. Still surprised that Peggy’s real life marriage to Fred Armisen (perhaps best known as the horrible Obama on SNL) ended in like three weeks. Was the cause her Scientoligisicm or his desire to bang his hottie costar Abbie Elliott (who looks as far from Chris Elliott’s DNA as Gracie Belle is from Coach and Tammy’s.) I’ll also say this again: Sally Draper is the best child actor I’ve ever seen. Her trip to Don’s office was pretty heartbreaking.
Causing me anger: Friday Night Lights I know the season ended during the summer, but I still wish there was an iPad/iPhone/Android app that would punch you in the throat if you have never watched the show.
A show I’m not watching but that’s supposed to actually be good, despite circumstantial (cast, concept) evidence to the contrary: Hawaii Five-O F#ck Scott Caan – that guy contributed to the demise of Entourage. (And – sorry, Major – Entourage was almost unwatchable this season. I would do a post on “The Ten Dumbest Storylines on This Season of Entourage” but I don’t think I could go less than 14,000 words. And, The League is horrendous – unfunny and overly-amused with its ability to push the censors harder than on a network show. (I’ll still watch it in a pinch, though. I watch a lot of tv. We record three King of Queens reruns per day.)
Meet the friggin mother already: How I Met Your Mother I don’t think the show necessarily needs to end the instant the mother is identified, so can we move on to that stage? And can we move away from the “trying to have a baby” stage? (Rachel Bilson would’ve been a fine choice for the mother, and there was a nice symmetry with Barney’s boss name being “Bilson.”) When the mother is identified, I’m hoping they’ll have Glenn Danzig guest star as well.
Our prayers have finally been answered – more David Spade!: Rules of Engagement CBS cancelled New Christine and kept this sh(t? What is the opposite of a national treasure? That’s David Spade – who looks like he’s on the same hygiene regimen as Ke$ha. In an effort to make sure everything about this show sucks, Puddy and his wife are trying to have a baby. Mix in the least-funny Indian actor working on a sitcom, and you’ve got yourself a sh&tty show. (I’ll probably still be watching, but it’ll make me hate myself.)
The only dancing show I don’t watch: Dancing With The “Stars” I can’t support any show that gives more airtime/publicity to the likes of Kate Gosselin and Bristol Palin. Please go away, everyone associated with this show.
Is Blair Underwood the new Ted Mcginley?: The Event Anything that bills itself as the new Lost is definitely going to suck. They should just say “we are trying to make a show with a deeply layered mythology that will likely be cancelled before anything is resolved, and, on the one in 6,000 chance we do make it for five or six seasons, we will undoubtedly leave you with a less-than-satisfying conclusion, so only watch this if you can resign yourself to disappointment, either sooner or later.” And what’s the deal with Blair Underwood? His arrival on a show signals the beginning of the end. And, he sucks.
Already Cancelled: Lone Star That means SO watched the full run of this series.
Commercials for this show run 24/7 in Aruba, leading to modest homicidal urges: Parenthood Does every show now have to have a kid with Asperger’s in it? This, The Middle, Big Bang Theory…also, Billy Baldwin? He’s like the white Blair Underwood….
Like Gordon Gekko said, it’s good: Glee I must be a little gheyer than I thought, because I like Glee. It’s not like I have showtunes on my Zune, either – I didn’t see any of those successful musicals other than Chicago, which I thought sucked. (I’m especially doubting myself because the nytimes said (something like) the show “can’t figure out whether it’s a treacly coming of age drama or a satire.” Treacly? The same show that had Jane Lynch grimly eyeing the ass-sweat residue of the jewfro kid after he was consumed by a Britney-fueled masturbatory fervor? (I apologize for the previous sentence, I re-read that like five times and then said” f*ck it.”) Glee producers, one request: less jewfro kid.
(To me, the question is not so much the philosophical direction of the show, but whether it will fold under the weight of its meta observations. A self-referential wink here and there is fine, but ultimately the show needs to exist in its own atmosphere. That sounds a lot like something someone would write while under the influence. I am not under the influence. Yet.)
Show that I thought would be great but sucks so far: Running Wilde Nobody does insecure man-child better than Will Arnett, but this ain’t workin so far. And how did Keri Russell not become a movie star? No chemistry here, they need to make some changes, pronto.
I can pretty much predict every show in advance: Saturday Night Live Okay, let’s have a sketch where it’s a talk show hosted by an oddball celebrity, with other oddball celebrities as guests (or if we want to get butt-crazy, let’s make it a gameshow hosted by a celebrity), a commercial parody, a sketch where there’s a cocktail party and then a super-weird guest shows up and acts super-weird, a musical guest who’s likely to be a complete unknown or a hasbeen, then a sketch with a running character – how about Gilly? everybody needs a little more Kristen Wiig, right?, weekend update, a sketch that’s sports-related, another sh*tty song, a digital short that will surprise you with its special guests acting contrary to their public image, and finally a skit that satirizes local television commercials. See you next week. (Katy Perry was good, though.)
If I want to watch a show about spies, I’d rather watch the 80th iteration of Nikita than this crap: Undercovers Seems like this should’ve been the Blair Underwood vehicle this fall. And, yes, every media outlet ever – the leading woman’s name is hard to spell. I’m betting this get’s cancelled in like 4 weeks, so not sweating it.
The funniest show on tv: Community Nice start to the season, a bold hitting of the reset button. Like Glee, dangerously close to over-meta, but the cast and writers are so filled with zing. Last year was Community neck and neck with Modern Family; this year, I doubt that MF will be able to keep up.
The shooter didn’t do nearly as much damage as I’d hoped: Grey’s Anatomy She’s gone, but have you ever had a stronger sense – without ever having met that person – that a person was a complete bitch than with Katherine Heigl?
Really, really bad idea spurred by some dumbass “say, the kids really seem to like the Twitter” executive: Sh*t My Dad Says Pretty, pretty bad.
On that note, I’m out of here. I’m pretty exhausted from yesterday completing one of my few manly accomplishments ever: putting up a rod in the closet. Since SO refused to heed my warnings that her Hoarders-esque habit of keeping every piece of clothing she’s ever owned was dangerously overloading her closet, the whole thing eventually came crashing down (bolts ripped out of the wall and sh*t). Our first effort to replace it was unsuccessful, as my presence apparently caused the studfinder to misfire (har-de-har-har). Twelve hours later, I’m pounding in drywall anchors with a pencil behind my ear, carpenter-style. So far, it be holdin.
I’m going on a little vacation to hang with people who are, like, accomplishing stuff. Should be fun – later,