How To Enjoy Aruba, Bling-Bling Style

How To Enjoy Aruba, Bling-Bling Style

Finally back from Aruba, clear of mind and burned of skin.  I think I’ve figured out the new direction of the site.  Still ruminating a bit.  But thought it prudent to show the working folks how to blow it out down by the equator in high style.

1.  Stay at a fly resort near the finest restaurants

Allow me to translate: Half Price Mondays (although we went twice on Monday, so technically I guess we paid full price)


2.  Don’t skimp on the flashy watercraft


Despite years of naval training, I'm not sure whether that fucking hook thing is a fishing implement or an anchoring device

3.  Make sure your beach is full of pastel-colored bird poop (to clarify: the birds should be pastel-colored, the poop fall anywhere on the color spectrum)

Anything with yellow eyes must be at least partially demonic

4.  Ensure the local convenience stores have an ample supply of Funyuns (I am too lazy to take a photo of the bag labeled “Imported” – if you require proof, just come by my apartment.  There are about 18 left – and, no, you can’t have any.)

5.  Do not settle for eating at just one Yum! Brands establishment on your trip – seek out at least one other venue (the Pizza Hut rocked the fucking house with a pork sausage and mushroom joint straight out of 1988 – the don’t even use pork topping any more over here!)

Working my way back to productivity – enjoy the weekend,


P.S.  We did literally hit Taco Bell every day when we were there – their plain tacos are phenomenal.  And Pizza Hut once, too.  No wonder Yum! Brands hit new all time highs every day that week.  I only gained nine pounds – win/win.

3 thoughts on “How To Enjoy Aruba, Bling-Bling Style

  1. Did you find Natalie Holloway?

    I thought you may have stumbled over her at the beach. Maybe she took at trip on the Sea Fly?

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