As I’ve previously described numerous times, I’m pretty light on topics at the moment. Too little Yellow Tail, too much responsible living; not much to chronicle. I did run the New York Marathon this weekend; not that big of deal, really. (Technically, I only ran my fingers over the interactive map on nytimes.com, but still felt like I captured the experience pretty closely.) Anyway, back to laziness problem – occasionally, readers try to help me out – Stevette went so far as to suggest a ranking of the (young) ladies of Glee, after unsuccessfully (due to laziness, I started at one point) suggesting the same for Mad Men. Stevette even went so far as to suggest that Lea Michelle (for the uninformed, the brunette in the notorious photo shoot above who is trying way, way too hard. Pass.) Or is it Michelle Lea?
Brief aside: sure, that GQ suit was pretty racy, but the Parents Television Council’s assertion that it “bordered on pedophilia” is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. The actresses in question are each 24 years old. Does that mean that consenting adults who enjoy a little diaper play in the comfort of their own homes are also borderline? What about otherwise-upstanding citizens who enjoy intercourse while dressed up in plush dog/cat/cow/other costumes? Borderline bestiality? PTC, stick to what you are great at, like tracking the top curse words on television (and throw in a vote for “fucknugget” while you are tallying things up.)
So, my currently completely-deprived-of-creativity-(or-what-I-consider-creativity-at-least) mind, hit upon a brief stroke of genius: why not compare the women of Mad Men to the girls (and Jayma Mays) of Glee, answering once and for all one of the most pressing questions of the fall television season? Then, for two seconds, I thought about it, and realized that – despite a resounding lead in nubileness (nubility?) – the Glee chicks would get shut out in such a competition, even if you went to like the fourth tier of women on MM. I mean, seriously, Joan, Betty, Jane, new soon-to-be-Mrs. Draper – not to mention the random hotties they dig up for one-off appearances. How then, to make this topic interesting enough to justify the significant (two minutes) time invested in grabbing these images (possibly illegally – the GQ one above can be found at – of all places – gq.com). And how can I do it with a minimum of further effort?
By throwing a scenario out to my man, Flint. For the uninitiated, Flint is our resident expert in hitting-it-or-not/a staunch positive body image advocate. Indicative of his taste in such matters, Flint has previously suggested that he’s borderline on drinking Joan’s bathwater. (January Jones is also a solid choice, given that she and Ke$ha share a hygiene regimen. Allow me to spell it out further: there would rarely be any bathwater to worry about.) But what if we leveled the playing field a little bit, what then?
What Would Flint Do? Threesome with Mercedes and Santana or Twosome with Joan?
Ambience: For the threesome, a nice suite at the Bellagio, some Sade playing softly in the background. With Joan, you get the love-seat-sized sofa in my apartment, replete with cat odors and Coach reruns. Bathwater, indeed.
What’ll it be, Flint? (I’ll leave it to you to enumerate the virtues of each alternative, but I made sure to include Mercedes given your emphasis on “back.” Santana seemed like a Flinty choice, but you are probably secretly a Quinn guy.)
Bonus Titillating Mad Men Anecdote (thanks thighswideshut.org) – Draper’s Fiance Hooked up with Darryl in Hot Tub Time Machine!
According to the internet, Mrs. Draper-to-be’s most controversial oversized body parts are her teeth – I guess Joan makes everything relative.