I finally watched Hoosiers for the first time a couple weeks ago. Frankly, it didn’t do a whole lot for me – seemed like pretty standard underdog-comes-through sports fare. Maybe the problem was that I watched it in a hotel, but I didn’t really feel the apparently-powerful bond developing between players and hard-ass coach. And, also, they basically got saved by basketball savant Jimmy Chitwood deciding to play and then scoring like 73 points in the title game. Whatever, during the movie I did invent the least fun game you will ever play.
I call this game Do I Look Older Than Gene Hackman in Hoosiers? For those of you on the more youthful side of the age scale, you probably spend little time pondering your mortality, much less the relative state of your physical degradation compared to that of a legendary character actor. But once you pop into your 40s, pack on some fat, find the ratio of hair/head dropping and the ratio of grey/other color hair rising, you start questioning how precipitous your fall has been. You start doing a little more math, too, like when you hear of somebody having a heart attack and you think “well he was a fat old fucker” and then realize the person in question is five years older than you.
The rules for Do I Look Older Than Gene Hackman in Hoosiers? are pretty simple.
- Watch Hoosiers
- Say to yourself, “That Norman Dale was a goofy-looking bastard”
- Think to yourself, “Wait, how old is this movie?”
- Think to yourself, “Wait, how old is Gene Hackman?”
- Decide that Gene Hackman is probably 70 and that Hoosiers came out 25 years ago (Note: Going to imdb.com is cheating)
- Realize that this means you may be within the same zip code of Gene Hackman’s age when he made Hoosiers
- Compare your physical attributes to Gene Hackman’s in the movie
- Drink heavily
- Decide to turn over a new, healthy leaf (and to get rid of that weird eye fungus thingee once and for all)
- Take a Lifetime channel/fetal position shower for roughly two hours
There are other variations on this game for different age groups. Here are a couple of other examples:
Do I Look More Cadaverous Than Al Davis? (ages 85-133)
Does My Baby Look As Weird As Gracie Belle? (ages 20-45 (in Arkansas, ages 13-53))