I breathed a sigh of relief last week when I saw that Your Highness had finally hit theaters – I hadn’t seen a new Natalie Portman movie advertised for several days and worried about her ability to provide for herself and her kid-to-be. It’s been forever since No Strings Attached hit theaters, and Black Swan is already out on DVD, so it’s probably barely hanging around the dollar theaters in Topeka or wherever. Hell, The Other Woman came out all the way back in February – at this pace there’s likely to be more episodes of Parks and Recreation than new Natalie Portman vehicles released in 2011. Thor doesn’t even come out until May, so that’s a period of a couple of weeks without even one Natalie Portman movie premiering. I presume Jude Law is helping Natalie plan her career trajectory, and surely he is disappointed in her inability to strike while the proverbial iron is hot.
Was the tone there alright? Was it sarcastic without being cynical? That’s what I was shooting for. But what the hell is up with her? She’s in literally every movie, ever. She should just get together with Ryan Reynolds and they could cover every role in every movie going forward. And what’s up with Friends With Benefits? Was No Strings Attached so successful that they dared use the exact same formula (ex-70’s Show star + former child star = awesome; stand by for Kurtwood Smith and Tiffani Thiessen in Bonin’ Without Consequences) except without Natalie Portman? And just how many times am I going to type “Natalie Portman” today?
There’s also been a little too much Portman-related controversy lately. First, they digitally covered up her ass in the Your Highness trailer, then that ballerina got all up in her business claiming that NP didn’t do much real ballerina-ing, then there was a similar claim from her body double claiming that’s not even her ass they covered up? (Allegedly, the body double was just used for the diving part – the standing up part was 100% NP.) Interesting aside: Natalie Portman is one of the very, very few actresses that I have never heard a guy express this sentiment about (in either written or spoken form): “I’d really enjoy banging her.” (Given that I know Flint, women of size are rarely an exception to this rule.)
I guess I’m suffering from NP-overload not just from her boatload of incoming product, but because I just watched Mr. Plinkett’s Revenge of The Sith review again and some residual anger from that trilogy is bubbling to the surface. If you haven’t watched these, I highly recommend checking them out – it is difficult to explain the appeal of 90 minute reviews of movies that are ten years old, but these are hilarious, insightful, disturbing and NSFW, language-wise (unless you are a dockworker, then it’s prob fine).
Golfer Names That Might or Might-Not’ve Been on The Masters Leaderboard Sunday
1. Scott Adam
2. Luke Day
3. Donald Luke
4. Jason Scott
5. Bo Van Woods
6. Tiger Pelt
7. Adam Van Fisher
8. Jason Ross Cabrera
9. Charl Snedeker (see, if the last name starts with an “s” sound it doesn’t matter that his parents irritatingly left off the frickin “es”)
10. Angel Schwartzel