Am I working on a real post? Yes. Is it taking longer than I expected? Yes. Am I still f*cking pissed about the NFC Championship Game? Yes. Am I very pleased about the return of the beefy crunch burrito, despite the fact that I promised myself that in 2012 I would refrain from eating anything with nacho cheese as an ingredient (other than nachos, of course)? Yes – I have long been an advocate of chips inside a burrito, but choosing Fritos over Doritos was beyond brilliant. Let’s celebrate the return of the BCB with a look at the best some songs that reference The Bell (as I also contemplate a side-by-side comparison of the caloric/deliciousness/nauseau-avoidance characteristics of the current titans of the local dollar menu – the Beefy Crunch Burrito and the McDouble at McDonalds.)
The Top Five Songs That Happen To Mention Taco Bell (One of Which Is Beyond Terrible, so Like the Top Four (Really Three))
5. “Cry Just A Little” – Bingo Players
Okay, technically they never mention Taco Bell, but there is some reference to Ibiza, which I think has a bunch of Taco Bells. (What’s the deal with Ibiza anyway? It’s mentioned in like every rap song these days.) So instead of an Eminem song about murder subtly titled “Murder” I went with a video of a hot chick doing hot chick stuff after she decides that her job sucks. Also, the song is cool and I need to get some benefit out of my exposure to Sirius channel 51. I briefly considered Penguin Prison, then went to look at the video and – I swear to God – it was a f*cking Occupy Wall Street thing! F*ck that sh*t, I was probably close to being effigied in that video (don’t know if effigy can be used as a verb, spellcheck does not like).
4. “Gone” – Kanye West
This one is a little problematic in that Kanye drops what seems like a nice T-Bell reference in a pretty sweet song, but then immediately fouls it up by referencing his friend getting fired for stealing churros. In my fairly extensive personal history with The Bell, I’ve never known them to serve churros – and I was there during the shredded beef enchilada rollout of 1985 (caution: boiling bags of beef may be warm to the touch.)
3. “Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell” – Das Racist
The YUM Brands double shout-out! Unfortunately for the splendidly-named Das Racist, this may be the worst song anyone has ever heard. Ever. (I read a story about a prop bet in poker where the loser had to listen to this song on repeat for a month; seems like chemical castration might’ve been more humane.)
2. “Glamorous” – Fergie
Fergie spares us the meth and keeps it real with that raw-as-hell drive through experience. Bonus props for also using spelling in this song! I love educational songs. Props for the sweet Mustang, but negative props for failing to bring “flossy” into the general lexicon. (General Lexicon sounds like the possible villain in the Superman reboot.)
1. “My Posse’s On Broadway” – Sir Mixalot
Before he became kind of a novelty rapper, Sir Mix-A-Lot was pretty well-respected MC, purveyor of mink coats and f*cking liar for making Seattle look anything other than dreadful. Extra credit here for actually going to a real Taco Bell, even though it was closed. The most impressive part of this video and song? That Kid Sensation dropped a twenty, and didn’t even miss it.
Back to work on that other post,