The Only (Sweet) Condiment You’ll Ever Need: Jif Chocolate (or Nutella if you must)

Nutell and Jif Chocolate are outrageously deliciousThis will likely come as a surprise given my affection for food items that reasonable adults shouldn’t really be eating, but I only recently tried Jif Hazelnut Spread (yes, it’s just Nutella in an easier to manage container) for the first time.  I might run a little behind the times in the spreadable-morning-type-foods category – I didn’t have my first bagel until I was 20.  (In my household, all “religious” foods were shunned for fear that consumption would cause radical evangelism.)  I’m pretty sure I had Nutella once before – in a NYC-street-fair crepe, paired with bananas and powdered sugar.  However the Nutella didn’t really stand out to me at the time, as there was a lot going on in that concoction, and one has to use discretion when evaluating street fair food.  So when I stumbled upon what appeared to be an empty bottle of Jif that had been refilled with chocolate sauce, my expectations were low.  I threw a piece of oatmeal toast in the TO (that’s what toaster oven owners refer to their TOs as) and enjoyed a culinary delight that combined the warm crunchy texture of peanut buttery toast with the debauchery of drink/eating a candy bar that’s been on the dashboard in direct sunlight for a little too long.

As I discussed my new find with other folks, I heard the same story over and over again: “yeah, that stuff is delicious, but don’t be fooled – it is NOT good for you!”  Luckily, I was able to sniff that one out without any research – my keen intuition suggested that spoonfuls of chocolate sauce might not be the nutritional equivalent of broccoli.  Basically this spread tastes like a Toffifay – which on taste alone had a chance to make this esteemed list- but without the pain in the ass of the worst packaging in the candy industry.  Put another way, it tastes like that damn hazelnut coffee smells – without the pain in the ass of drinking a cup of coffee.  This stuff goes good on anything you’d normally put like jelly, jam, peanut butter, cream cheese, marinara sauce on – you could also probably make a nice mole sauce if you were into that kind of thing.  I like to put a spoonful in my oatmeal – then it’s like eating a mushy candy bar with a spoon.  Just be careful – it’s apparently not good for you (but if you eat it with oatmeal – which IS good for you – isn’t that a push?)  And don’t worry, Sriracha - I haven’t foresaken you.  (Sriracha at $2.64/bottle at Wal-Mart in Arkansas represents the greatest arbitrage opportunity since Kramer and Newman figured out how to get a mail truck to Michigan.)

toffifay foil packaging

Way too many Toffifays find their way to the dirty-assed floor thanks to the infernal foil tray


Editor’s Update/What I’ve Been Up To:  I think as of my most recent update I’d mentioned additional upheaval and my retreat to a Fortress of Ineptitude in remote NE Arkansas.  That’s still going on.  In additon to Wasted Po, I’m running (or co-running) five other websites, thus posts here have been pretty infrequent.  What type of other sites you might ask?  One is a trading blog (basically a Twitter marketing exercise, going okay so far, actually a cool community of option traders on Twitter).  One is a site selling a common item that’s very competitive (started as a case study to see if I could generate real google rankings in a tough category – probably going better than expected since I haven’t done much with it, sending quite a few people to Amazon with an affiliate cookie, but not much actual purchasing going on.  Damn economy.)  Another is a ten year old site I bought for small cash and have not really figured out what to do with (converted to a product review blog for the time being to get new content on and keep rankings on).  Have a nascent finance website that I started with a partner – more work to be done but age does a lot for a site.  Finally, we just bought a small e-commerce site that used to be pretty prominent and has fallen into a bit of disrepair.  A fixer-upper.  So will be spending a lot of time there trying to get it back to where it was.  Time will tell if any of this will pay off financially, currently the sites I started myself are not self-sustaining, but let’s see what happens as Christmas nears.


Oh, and my foot f*cking hurts. Also, I think I need to change this template, the font looks so tiny.




  1. #1 by tdiddy on September 25th, 2012 - 1:59 pm

    I tried the chocolate jiff and I’m a fan. Its great on a toasted bagel.

  2. #2 by chilly17 on September 25th, 2012 - 6:17 pm

    Yeah, that shit is deelicious. Given that I currently look like I’m in my third trimester, I’m trying to cut back on my chocolate spreads and focus mainly on fried foods.

  3. #3 by TDiddy on September 26th, 2012 - 2:15 pm

    I wonder what else chocolate spread would taste good on – besides your mom’s snatch.

  4. #4 by chilly17 on September 26th, 2012 - 10:39 pm

    You should ask the rugby team that ran a train on your mom – she posted highlights on youpron – there was some nutella, peanut butter and assorted pastries and snacks for those gents who were sitting out for a bit. Based on the footage I saw, they weren’t afraid to experiment – so there might’ve been some nutella+celery type creativeness going on.

  5. #5 by Suite-tooth on October 10th, 2012 - 10:07 pm

    Comments 3 & 4 made me laugh until I cried. You need to focus on humor. Have some fun and sell ads.

(will not be published)
Subscribe to comments feed
  1. No trackbacks yet.