The Only (Sweet) Condiment You’ll Ever Need: Jif Chocolate (or Nutella if you must)

The Only (Sweet) Condiment You’ll Ever Need: Jif Chocolate (or Nutella if you must)

Nutell and Jif Chocolate are outrageously deliciousThis will likely come as a surprise given my affection for food items that reasonable adults shouldn’t really be eating, but I only recently tried Jif Hazelnut Spread (yes, it’s just Nutella in an easier to manage container) for the first time.  I might run a little behind the times in the spreadable-morning-type-foods category – I didn’t have my first bagel until I was 20.  (In my household, all “religious” foods were shunned for fear that consumption would cause radical evangelism.)  I’m pretty sure I had Nutella once before – in a NYC-street-fair crepe, paired with bananas and powdered sugar.  However the Nutella didn’t really stand out to me at the time, as there was a lot going on in that concoction, and one has to use discretion when evaluating street fair food.  So when I stumbled upon what appeared to be an empty bottle of Jif that had been refilled with chocolate sauce, my expectations were low.  I threw a piece of oatmeal toast in the TO (that’s what toaster oven owners refer to their TOs as) and enjoyed a culinary delight that combined the warm crunchy texture of peanut buttery toast with the debauchery of drink/eating a candy bar that’s been on the dashboard in direct sunlight for a little too long.

As I discussed my new find with other folks, I heard the same story over and over again: “yeah, that stuff is delicious, but don’t be fooled – it is NOT good for you!”  Luckily, I was able to sniff that one out without any research – my keen intuition suggested that spoonfuls of chocolate sauce might not be the nutritional equivalent of broccoli.  Basically this spread tastes like a Toffifay – which on taste alone had a chance to make this esteemed list– but without the pain in the ass of the worst packaging in the candy industry.  Put another way, it tastes like that damn hazelnut coffee smells – without the pain in the ass of drinking a cup of coffee.  This stuff goes good on anything you’d normally put like jelly, jam, peanut butter, cream cheese, marinara sauce on – you could also probably make a nice mole sauce if you were into that kind of thing.  I like to put a spoonful in my oatmeal – then it’s like eating a mushy candy bar with a spoon.  Just be careful – it’s apparently not good for you (but if you eat it with oatmeal – which IS good for you – isn’t that a push?)  And don’t worry, Sriracha – I haven’t foresaken you.  (Sriracha at $2.64/bottle at Wal-Mart in Arkansas represents the greatest arbitrage opportunity since Kramer and Newman figured out how to get a mail truck to Michigan.)

toffifay foil packaging
Way too many Toffifays find their way to the dirty-assed floor thanks to the infernal foil tray


Editor’s Update/What I’ve Been Up To:  I think as of my most recent update I’d mentioned additional upheaval and my retreat to a Fortress of Ineptitude in remote NE Arkansas.  That’s still going on.  In additon to Wasted Po, I’m running (or co-running) five other websites, thus posts here have been pretty infrequent.  What type of other sites you might ask?  One is a trading blog (basically a Twitter marketing exercise, going okay so far, actually a cool community of option traders on Twitter).  One is a site selling a common item that’s very competitive (started as a case study to see if I could generate real google rankings in a tough category – probably going better than expected since I haven’t done much with it, sending quite a few people to Amazon with an affiliate cookie, but not much actual purchasing going on.  Damn economy.)  Another is a ten year old site I bought for small cash and have not really figured out what to do with (converted to a product review blog for the time being to get new content on and keep rankings on).  Have a nascent finance website that I started with a partner – more work to be done but age does a lot for a site.  Finally, we just bought a small e-commerce site that used to be pretty prominent and has fallen into a bit of disrepair.  A fixer-upper.  So will be spending a lot of time there trying to get it back to where it was.  Time will tell if any of this will pay off financially, currently the sites I started myself are not self-sustaining, but let’s see what happens as Christmas nears.


Oh, and my foot f*cking hurts. Also, I think I need to change this template, the font looks so tiny.




5 thoughts on “The Only (Sweet) Condiment You’ll Ever Need: Jif Chocolate (or Nutella if you must)

  1. Yeah, that shit is deelicious. Given that I currently look like I’m in my third trimester, I’m trying to cut back on my chocolate spreads and focus mainly on fried foods.

  2. You should ask the rugby team that ran a train on your mom – she posted highlights on youpron – there was some nutella, peanut butter and assorted pastries and snacks for those gents who were sitting out for a bit. Based on the footage I saw, they weren’t afraid to experiment – so there might’ve been some nutella+celery type creativeness going on.

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