Archive for the ‘Pop Culture’ Category
Lyrics Examined: “Right There”
Posted by: chilly17 in Lyrics Examined, Pop Culture on August 9th, 2011
Nicole - Feel free to grab a cheeseburger at the poolside bar
The title of this post is a little misleading – I was originally just gonna take a look at the (undoubtedly meaningful and metaphorical) lyrics to the song “Right There.” Then I watched the video, which led to even more questions. So now this is more of a “Five Questions for the People Behind “Right There” the Song and “Right There” the Video” deal.
The amazing and deep lyrics, in their entirety:
Come here baby eh be my baby
Eh be my baby oh oh oh
Come here baby put your hands on my body
Hands on my body oh oh oh
Right there keep it right there
I love when you put it right there yeah
Oh oh oh yeah yeah yeah oh oh oh
Yeah yeah
Me like the way that you hold my body
Me like the way that you touch my body
Me like the way that you kiss my yeah yeah yeah yeah me like it
Me like the way that he put it on me
Me like the way that he push up on me
Me like the way that he goin’ down down down down down
Down down down down down
I aint never gonna let no girl take him from me
Never gonna let no girl steal him from me
Never gonna let no girl get that close now
I tell’em hey hey your’e too close now
CHORUS:
Come here baby eh be my baby
Eh be my baby oh oh oh
Come here baby put your hands on my body
Hands on my body oh oh oh
Right there keep it right there
I love when you put it right there yeah
Oh oh oh yeah yeah yeah oh oh oh
Yeah yeah
I like the way that you talk dirty
Don’t wash your mouth out I like it dirty
You like to please yeah I like that yeah yeah yeah yeah me like it
I like the way that you keep me coming
Yeah yeah you so good you had me running
Me like the way that he goin’ down down down down down
Down down down down down
No I ain’t never gonna let no girl take him from me
Never gonna let no girl steal him from me
Never gonna let a girl get that close now
I tell’em hey hey you’re too close now
CHORUS:
Come here baby eh be my baby
Eh be my baby oh oh oh
Come here baby put your hands on my body
Hands on my body oh oh oh
Right there keep it right there
I love it when you put it right there yeah
Oh oh oh yeah yeah yeah oh oh oh
Yeah yeah
Do he know how to work it?
he got that got that
Put it on you work it
he got that got that
Do you real good for your lay it down good for you yeah
He got that got that
All my girls if your man put it down let me hear you say yeah
All my ladies if you man put it down let me hear you say yeah
Do he work that? How like you like that?
When he throw the bone attcha do you bite back?
Say yeah all my girls say yeah
If he makes you feel good
CHORUS:
Come here baby eh be my baby
Eh be my baby oh oh oh
Come here baby put your hands on my body
Hands on my body oh oh oh
Right there keep it right there
I love when you put it right there yeah
Oh oh oh yeah yeah yeah oh oh oh
Yeah yeah
Come here baby come be my baby
Come be my baby oh oh oh
Come here baby put your hands on my body
Put your hands on my body like yeah
Right there keep it right there
I love when you love me say yeah oh oh oh
CHORUS:
Come here baby eh be my baby
Eh be my baby oh oh oh
Come here baby put your hands on my body
Hands on my body oh oh oh
Right there keep it right there
I love it when you put it right there yeah
Oh oh oh yeah yeah yeah oh oh oh
Yeah yeah
Five Questions for Nicole Scherzinger, James Scheffer, Ester Dean, Frank Romano, Daniel Morris and Anybody Else Creatively Responsible for “Right There” and its Video
1. For the songwriters - James Scheffer, Ester Dean, Frank Romano and Daniel Morris, according to some random website that is probably pretty inaccurate – what the f*ck is up with the first person pronouns here?? ”Me” when it should be “I” then back to correct usage, then back to “me” – they’re both one syllable, so doesn’t seem like it would trip up any tricky pentameter schemes here. Is “me” inherently sexier than “I” or something? Is she supposed to be channeling Cookie Monster or somebody? I don’t quite get it.
2. Also for the songwriters – This shit took four of you to write?
3. For everybody involved, could you please make the sex metaphors a little more straightforward? These are pretty lacking – on a scale of one to Ready For The World - these fall a Jheri-curl or two short of the mark. That “put it on me, push up on me” business has me pondering whether the guy is putting on her bra instead of the more standard removing her clothes during “put it right there” type situations. Then she’s celebrating when her man “puts it down” – which sounds more like a remix of every 1980s female comic’s bit about their man’s toilet seat habits than a sultry call to get busy (or put on clothes, who knows what’s really going on here).
Color them unimpressed - lyrics like "I'm so deep inside of you girl" required little examination
4. Is this really how you protect your territory? I appreciate that some time was taken to establish that Nicole is pretty protective of her man – although it’s somewhat indeterminate as to whether it’s sexual prowess or just that he religiously puts down the toilet seat; the first twenty lines of lyrics establish this fondness and suggest that she’ll be fiercely protective of her territory. No telling what she’s f*cking likely to do if some girl threatens to “steal him from me, take him from me”? She’s probably gonna shoot a bitch, right? Pull some hair at a minimum? How about politely telling her “you’re too close now.” That’s not gangsta, that’s after-school speciala.
5. Was 50 Cent cast in the video only because they realized they probably needed to put a dude in it somewhere? The video is hilarious; 50 Cent has less chemistry with Scherzinger than my coffee table does with the stack of Chipotle napkins that I put down, down, down on it. And for all the talk about how her man is touching her, the video is completely devoid of that – at one point, 50 Cent did get pretty near her, but I believe her parka prevented actual contact. For a song that is ostensibly about a guy touching a girl, the video medium show’s zero physical contact – mostly it’s just girls in some weird looking combination of swim/outerwear dancing around with bizarre ponytails and shit. Makes me strangely nostalgic for I miss the Pussycat Dolls (which is kind of weird, because everytime I see their founder on SYTCD it causes me to have PTSD-type symptoms for a couple days).
Later,
Chilly17
P.S. To those people clicking on google ads, you are good people. This site will be self-sustaining within about 17 years, couldn’t do it without you. Feel free to vote in the candy bar poll, too – I’m gonna see how the empirical evidence stacks up against my undoubtedly correct opinions. Also, I’m trying to make sure my sidebar is jam-packed with shit.
I Wish I Didn’t Know An Architect
Posted by: chilly17 in Pop Culture on July 12th, 2011
I just realized yesterday that I know an architect. I wish I didn’t. Not that I hate architects or anything – although the dick who designed our apartment to interfere with any signal that the T-Mob throws out is certainly not a favorite – but I always kind of wore it as a badge of honor not knowing one. (Like my old banking buddy that had never been to Hoboken and swore to keep it that way; everybody has to have their thing.) Why did I like not knowing an architect? Because architect is one of the “Big Four” tv (and movie) careers, that is massively overrepresented onscreen compared to the people you actually know in real life. Mike Brady, Ted Mosby, the love interest on basically every f*cking female-led sitcom ever…hell, even George Costanza aspired to pretend to be an architect, and he was getting all kinds of ass. Not knowing a single architect – and knowing far less cops and doctors than you’d guess from tv – served as a constant reminder that television – even reality television – rarely resembled the real world.
Let’s look at the situation analytically and graphically, in the form of some sweet pie charts. The graph below not only illustrates the limited professional worldview of the typical Hollywood writer, but also the stellar Excel skills that can be gleaned from a $100k MBA and seven years working in finance.
Source: Empirical observations of somebody who watches a shitload of television
This next pastry-shaped masterwork depicts life as we all know it (and before you start bitching about how you know 300 lawyers, they are included in the big categories. Every lawyer eventually ends up at a company or, most likely, in finance where they can make more dough in less hours while acting like bigger jerks.)
Source: Office of Statistics I Made Up But That Look Pretty Plausible white paper, January 2011.
Why are there no bankers on tv? Every corporate raider on tv is inaccurately described as an “investment banker” (you will quickly recognize these characters, they typically also rape a puppy or something at some point during the program, as that is more subtle than just wearing a black mask and carrying a sack of money with a big $$$ on it.) I guess one reason all the efforts to bring the vibrant world of finance to the small screen have failed is because the crises don’t resonate as compared to a patient in cardiac arrest or a dramatic closing statement; “I NEED THESE COMPS UPDATED ASAP!” doesn’t carry the same emotional weight. Nor does “WHY IS THIS DATA TABLE LEGEND IN TIMES NEW ROMAN?????!!!!!????” Given that probably less than 3% of bankers’ parents could give a reasonable facsimile of their banker kids’ job description, the relative professional anonymity probably makes sense.
But still, architects? Come on tv writers, let’s cool it with all the big drafting tables. And, L-Money, I’m considering defriending you so I can go back to the way it was.
Later, Chilly17
(Editor’s Note: I’m gonna quit writing on here about how I’m rededicating myself to this site, blah, blah, blah…because everytime I do, my dad has a stroke. So I will just add that I hope to be somewhat more focused in the future. This site took down almost $2 in straight cash last month, homie, and I think there’s more where that came from (especially when motherf*ckers click on ads and isht.)
Revealed: Titles of the Other Seven Dragon Tattoo Books
Posted by: chilly17 in Pop Culture on June 20th, 2011
Somewhat interesting excerpt in Vanity Fair of the new book by Stieg Larsson’s “widow.” Actually, it wasn’t all that illuminating, but I feel bad for her for basically getting shut out of the posthumous windfall from the (vastly overrated) Millennium trilogy. I saw a trailer for this the other day before X-Men:First Class (an excellent movie, by the way, Fassbender is awesome) and I had no idea it was even for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Apparently their marketing strategy is to keep Lizbeth’s character under wraps a la the shark in Jaws (except for the nipple-baring poster. So shocking! Whatever.) As previously mentioned, there’s really no reason to remake this – the Swedish versions were pretty great. Although I’ve got to be honest, I didn’t think someone from a privileged background like Rooney Mara would even be able to pull off the look. She has. (I also saw The Tree of Life – I’m still not sure what the fuck that was all about. I think I can only progressive through a very linear narrative unless the director is Christopher Nolan. Check it out, though – X-Men is slightly fresher on Rottentomatoes than TOL. Suck it, Malick.)
Anyway, one interesting revelation in the VF article was that Larsson actually planned for the Millennium trilogy to be a decalogy, ten books. (I doubt that’s really what you call a series of ten books, but I’m also not gonna look it up. I don’t get paid for research.) As a value-added service, I will fill you in on the other titles of the books in the planned tenology.
The Titles of All the Dragon Tattoo Books
1. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
2. The Girl Who Played With Fire
3. The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest
4. The Girl Who Purchased A Sensible Handbag
5. The Middle-Aged Lady Who Wound Her Biological Clock
6. The Woman Whose Menopause Seemed Quite Similar to Playing With Fire
7. The Woman Who Had Difficulty Ordering at Chipotle
8. The Woman Who Needed to Seriously Reconsider Her Hairstyle
9. The Single Old Woman Who Realized The Sad Irony of Having a Photographic Memory
10. The Old Woman With The Saggin Tattoos
Later,
Chill17
(There may be even more stuff this week, I am feeling somewhat motivated. Stay tuned. Or not – it’s summer.)
