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35 thoughts on “Contact Us

  1. Hmmmm…..smells like a Dark Knight….or member of Knights Out….will be back with some new sh*t soon, trying to hook up a reunion of 1988 T-Bell colleagues…will be EPIC….

  2. Will be working on it later, planning my fall vacation (which might encompass most of nov/dec)…and just went to spinning class, so might vomit in the near-term…

  3. Hey – how about a post on Tiger?

    I’d like to know why guys like Jordan, Bryant, Woods or any successful young athlete/business mogul/political giant gets married.

    Why settle for one when they can have multiple girls. Don’t tell me they want to, because they all cheat anyway. Divorce is a lot more expensive than breaking up with a girfriend or baby momma. I think guys like Lil Wayne and Derek Jeter have the right idea.

  4. The Tiger story to me is so boring, is it that surprising? The great part is that she fucking tuned him up with a 3 iron; I thought scandinavians were peaceniks?

    It makes zero sense for them to ever get married, I assume they do it so they can churn out some kids. Those turn into some pretty expensive offspring – Jordan’s divorce allegedly ran him $150 million. If Elin leaves, it will prob cost Tiger more than that…they are morons…

  5. Chilly

    I know that you traveled extensively in your past life as a superstar I-Banker. I travel quite a bit with my new gig as a glue salesman. I’m frequently stuck behind people who are either A) Going through airport security for the first time and are clueless how the process works or B) Unaware that their labia piercing is setting off the metal detector.

    How about a post about annoying airport hassles based on your extensive experience?

  6. Not a bad idea, Tuff Daddy. I am hard up for ideas at the moment, so i’ll probably take you up on that. I can tell you right now, my #1 problem with air or any other travel (including walking) is people with backpacks, suitcases, etc that don’t treat said item as an extension of their body, acting like it’s a completely random accident if they turn wildly and spill coffee (okay, wine) all over the unsuspecting gentleman trying to catch up on the latest maxim.

  7. Dude, that shit is so depressing. I have a post halfway finished (about something else, obv) but can’t muster the energy (no pun intended). I was just telling SO, I hope those 50 unlucky bastards who are left to deal with it become extremely wealthy, heroic figures in Japan.

    All that stuff had me going back and reviewing some of that nukeular stuff that I’ve been (very successfully) trying to forget for the last 12 years. They are probably wishing they hadn’t gone with the plutonium mix. Depressing, the mood around chillyville is kind of 9/11ish these days.

    And I have a weird rash on my eye.

  8. I hope the Jizz in your eye clears up.

    Its funny how many time I’ve heard the old story that the radiation exposure from a nuke plant is leass than taking a cross country flight.

    I think I’d tell my boss to go f*$k a goat if he told me to don a radiation suit and go fight a f*@king nuclear radiation fire.

    All the japanese can relocate to Detroit – it isn’t much better here but at least its not glowing – in fact, its fairly dark. πŸ™‚

  9. It’s your mom’s fault, I was getting MFA credit for working on the set of “Anal Grannies 11: Meet The Craigslist Handymen.” You never mentioned she is a squirter.

    Yeah, I wouldn’t be in a huge rush to be one of the 50 heroes, either. Wonder how that went down? Did they just look at the work schedule and say, “kobayashi-san, you are supposed to work this weekend, but instead go fight this radiation fire”? Draw straws? Angry Birds tournament?

  10. chilly – yes – i’m like 3 years behind the 8 ball and just discovered your site. You are HILARIOUS. I’m sitting on the trading floor (one of those lol) and just started crying and choking on my water at the same time. People are staring. Help me. But seriously – wtf – who are you?? I think i’m in love πŸ˜‰

  11. please do – i need a distraction – i sell off a little piece of my soul here every day …

    i love your writing style (i know you’re probably thinking – i have a writing style?) – and your humor is right on point for me. Keep it coming!!!

    p.s. – i assume there is a Mrs Chilly? πŸ˜‰

  12. you aren’t, by chance, a submarine officer or investment banker, are you? (turkey plant worker seems unlikely, but i def remember leaving some soul on the floor there – some fat guy hosed it down the drain with all the other discarded parts)

  13. think less meat processing technician and more banking. Both equally soul-less? Whatever – it pays the bills for my ridiculously overpriced manhattan rental lol. So what’s up, Chilly? When’s the next installment …? Enquiring (and fetching) minds want to know πŸ˜‰

  14. Kudos, Kitty – the “fetching” comment led to some serious browbeating not only from SO, but the other ladies I was out with Friday night….apparently “fetching” makes the claws come out in Chelsea – happy to have you aboard (you make at least four fetching ladies I know of) and am about to even publish some new sh*t….

  15. Sorry chillz – and my apologies to you, Mrs Chilly!!!!

    loved the Chipotle post today – had to get my chilly fix in before my 8 30 am staff/soul-crushing daily meeting. Btw – sadly – i am “The Perfectionist” – i know, i know! But when I say ‘just a drizzle of sour cream’ – i mean JUST A DRIZZLE. Do I need to shout? Yes, i do. And I love Mrs Chilly’s bartering system – great tip – i’m going to try that next time. I, too, refuse to pay the $3 for guac – and really, really – who needs that much meat???

    Glad to hear that you are going to get back up off your slacker ass and post more often. Yay πŸ™‚

  16. Just found your website randomly, but in two days have read most if not all of your posts. You’re hilarious. Hope you start posting a lot again and that you return to a few stories from your banking days.

  17. Thanks, P. I am going to return to cranking out some stuff, but at the moment I’m holed up in a dirty hotel in memphis with a real bitch. This situation might be a post unto itself (but probably not as the sound bite is better than the synopsis. I did touch set foot (or tread) in five different states today, which was nice.

  18. Chilly – how about a post about Joe Paterno?

    All of these JoePa supporters drvie me nuts. I guess its ok to F@*k a few kids in the A$$ as long as you can coach a winning football program.

    Paterno is a piece of sh*t and I hope his grandkids get a chance to spend time at “camp” with Jerry Sandusky.

    Burn in hell JoePa

  19. Chilly

    I’m going to be in vegas on the 29th, 30th and 31st. Just an FYI in case you get an itch and want to go.

  20. Hmmm, given my current status as poor-assed-beeyatch I will have to keep you posted…I’m generally always down for Vegas but might be a stretch for the kid right now. You will probably be quite busy perusing all the leaflets littering the streets anyway.

  21. Wow, had not seen that, thanks. Hard to believe she has a kid in college. Currently holds the title “Hot Woman Who Even Other Women Agree Is Hot” Around here, we don’t have Esquire, but we do get Bass Fishin Weekly and 4 Wheeler Livin, so I’m pretty caught up on important local topics.

  22. Haha – I just saw that! I’ll have my agent contact her, since we are both heavy hitters in the entertainment world should be NBD

  23. Chillz!!!! I’m sorry to hear things haven’t been stellar for you of late πŸ™

    In other news, the behemoth bank i work for recently unblocked your site, so now I can peruse at will (not sure what that’s about, maybe they sensed you had a genuine desire to behave better lol). I hope to see more posts from you soon!!

  24. I stumbled upon your website by googling “best packaged condiments” (who the f*ck Googles that? The answer is me, I’m the only one). Anyway, I have spent the last 3 hrs reading your posts and have just about peed myself the entire 3 hrs. Keep writing, for real.

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