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Ten Other Events That Could Cripple The Internet

Ten Other Events That Could Cripple The Internet

Here we are two weeks later, and Michael Jackson coverage is still everywhere.  Amazing.  I guess it shouldn’t be so shocking considering he was probably still the biggest star in the world, his international fame having apparently diminished less over the last two decades than here in the U.S.  What events (excluding war or terrorism) could even come close to matching Michael’s death as far as media coverage, internet crippling, and hysteria inciting?


#10.  Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt confuse “self promotion” with “self-immolation” on followup Today Show appearance

one can hope
One can hope, right?


#9.  Miley Cyrus has torrid, public affair with 47 year old proprietor of popular “Miley’s Countdown to 18 Years Old” website; Billy Ray approves, has cheese sandwich


#8.  Lady Gaga announces special benefit concert to be held in own vagina


#7.  Seth Rogen announces that he has turned down the opportunity to play a mumbling stoner in an upcoming comedic film


#6.  Michael Jordan announces that he is gay and dating Neil Patrick Harris


A couple with true cross-cultural appeal
A couple with true cross-cultural appeal



#5.  Chris Brown found beaten to death with three purity rings shoved up his ass; Rihanna / Jonas Brothers kick off North American tour


#4.  Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie produce and star in a hardcore pornographic film to be released in theaters; all proceeds from the film to benefit starving/poorly coiffed children around the world


#3.  Jon Gosselin wins custody of kids after Kate admits to participating in Pagan sacrifice rituals; Jon immediately hooks up with Octomom and TLC greenlights Jon & Nadya Plus Twenty

Candid shot at a Sam's Club on a diaper run
The happy couple on a $60k diaper run

#2.  J.K. Rowling and David Simon announce collaboration: three new Harry Potter novels, to be set in The Wire‘s Baltimore; first one tentatively titled Harry Potter and Oh Fuck It’s Omar


#1.  Heath Ledger and Joaquin Phoenix reveal recent death/bizarre behavior as hoaxes and announce plans for Brokeback II: Bareback Boogaloo

Better days
Hopefully this happens for the sake of Dark Knight II and struggling rappers everywhere


Wow, can’t believe it’s been six days since last post.  Fairly banged up since whirlwind 4th of July weekend in AC with ‘Tro and his lovely wife.  Apparently need 18 hours of sleep to fully recover.  Although I did go pretty strong for five consecutive days.  Whatever, I’m back now and will have some new stuff this week.

Later, Chilly17