The above is photographic evidence of what went wrong the evening of December 31st, 2009. A 15 year old bottle of G-schlager was dusted off and then, unfortunately, consumed (in conjunction with copious amounts of Andre Pink Champagne – on sale for $2.50).
Some telling statistics from the fiasco:
1 – Number of shot glasses I broke in the hot tub (a horrific party foul if ever there was one)
2 – Number of people I made cry (apparently with a heatbreaking summarization of Wilson Rawls’ classic Where The Red Fern Grows)
3 – Approximate amount of Andre Pink Champagne consumed, in bottles
4 – Amount of Goldschlager consumed, in Big Gulp cups
18 – Number of days of recuperation before I return to normal human operations (projected)
27 – Months until I will have another alcoholic beverage (projected)
40+ – Years lived, while still acting moronic
80 – Degrees here in LA today (why the fuck do I live in NYC during winter, again?)
Anyway, I will be back in NYC on the 6th, assuming my BAC has returned to low enough levels that I will no longer be flagged as a combustion hazard by the TSA. I have a couple of corrections that I need to make to recent posts, so there might be some shorter stuff coming if I can pull it all together. Til then, consider it potential further wasted.
Also, if you want to kill some time (and can turn your sound on – not in the office, of course) these reviews of The Phantom Menace are friggin hilarious. It’s a total of 70 minutes; like most people, I thought I’d check out about 30 seconds and then bail. I watched the whole thing, pretty genius. I’ll link the first one here, head to YouTube if you want the others in the series.