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Some Friday Stuffs

Some Friday Stuffs

1.  Mad Men returns!  (Avoid if relative attractiveness and well-dressedness are self esteem issues for you)

2.  District 9 looks sweet, hoping to check it out this afternoon. I’ve skipped the details but the reviews from top critics look encouraging.  This will be my first chance to apply my South African knowledge/experience, I should certainly be able to verify the film’s cultural and historical accuracy.

3.  So You Think You Can Dance did not screw the pooch.  It looked like Evan, the dorky white dude, might win given his enormous “fan base” or “group of similar dorks with access to telephones.”   He was terrible.  Ultimately the judges came right out and said “if you continue to vote for Evan, then you are a fucking moron.”  In something of an upset, Jeanine won – she was a bit disadvantaged working (and possibly boning)  the one-dimensional Phillip Chbeeb for half the season.  Nice outcome.  It’s a little shocking that the last two girls were only 18 or so, given how objectified the women typically are on this show.  I guess if “dancer” is the professional path you’ve chosen, you are need to quickly get used to prancing around 90% naked in front of a lot of people.

The huge downside to the season’s end is that Evan’s fucking balding older brother is on the next season of SYTYCD.  That season starts in like two weeks, so that means I will be subjected to more of this broadway-loving, camera-mugging retard family.  Hopefully that older one doesn’t make the top 20 and we can be done with this quickly.

Again, you should be watching this show.  For reasons I cannot accurately convey, it is highly enjoyable.  As is America’s Best Dance Crew, which is also back on Sunday nights on MTV.  Haven’t watched the first episode yet, but I’m certain it will maintain its high level of excellence.  Watch them both.

Find the dissimilar item
Find the dissimilar item

4.  KFC is very popular in South Africa.  It’s by far the busiest spot in the Joburg airport and a standalone store in Cape Town was also going gangbusters.  I hear, but haven’t personally verified, the same about its popularity in China.  Combine that with the outstanding quality of the Nachos Supreme and Meximelt I had yesterday at the 14th and 5th T-Bell/Hut, and you’ve got a reason to buy some YUM Brands shares.  Ticker symbol?  YUM.  I might have to add to my already deep position.

5.  One of the Kardashians is pregnant?  Awesome, further advancement of the gene pool.  I really don’t understand why anyone gives a shit about that family?  Is it their propensity to date second tier professional athletes (sorry, Reggie, you are not even one of the better third down backs in the league)?  Kim has a big ass and was wheelbarrowed by Ray J on film.  The other ones get pregnant or arrested for DUI.  And now there’s a new show with the non-Kim ones, with ads plastered all over my regular reads like The EconomistUS Weekly, and The Atlantic.  I am seriously concerned about our society as a whole; at this point having all the mouthbreathers strapped into The Matrix pods looks like an optimistic outcome.

The one thing I find even remotely interesting about the Kardashian family is Bruce Jenner and how he’s handling the transition from ostensible “One of the Five Most Famous People in the World” following 1976 Olympic gold medal to bumbling husband/stepfather to (apparently) amoral, star-fucking, fame-seeking gold digger clan.  He seems to enjoy remote control helicopters and facelifts, but he is also the voice of reason/moral center of the household, so I’d say he’s faring pretty well.

6.  Happy Madden Day!  As one of the first people to own a Playstation in the U.S. (it debuted in September 1995 and I got mine in either October or November after uncannily predicting that eight weeks of Groton winter would be akin to a stint in Siberia) I can lay claim to a pretty rich, if dated, gaming history.  Shockingly I have never played Madden.  When I bought my Playstation, I opted for NFL Gameday, likely because it had William Floyd on the cover.  It was pretty complicated so I quickly gave up.  Then on my boat we played some NFL Blitz, which I also quickly abandoned as one of my mentally challenged colleagues figured out how to make Mark Bruener of his beloved Steelers open every single play.  Even though he averaged less than one catch per game in his real career, that fucking Bruener would score like seven TDs per game against my virtual Niners.

I hate football video games, because I suck at them.  But I do admire the Madden franchise and the fact that they’ve made its annual release a virtual holiday for slackers, nerds and sports enthusiasts alike.  Nice work.  Enjoy the holiday.

7.  “Make Her Say” – Pretty cool song combining some of my favorite things: Kid Cudi (check out “Day and Night” if unfamiliar with his oeuvre), Kanye and Lady Gaga.  Common too, but I’ve never been a big fan.  This song was originally called “I Poke Her Face” which for some reason the producers felt might not be radio friendly.  Those fickle marketers.

One complaint – can we please quit rhyming “medulla oblongata”?  Whodini was doing that shit like 25 years ago, so it isn’t exactly fresh.  And, Kanye, I know I’ve heard it from you at least as many times as you’ve rhymed “knowledge” and “college.”  Anyway, nice collaboration here.

8.    How quickly the scales of the court of public opinion shift – is that too wordy?  I was trying to evoke that blindfolded lady holding the scale with right on one side and wrong on the other or whatnot.  Anyway, about six months ago everyone felt sorry for that Jon Gosselin fellow because his wife seemed a raging controlling bitch.  Now he’s sporting Ed Hardy gear, earrings, banging random chicks and hanging out with Lindsay Lohan’s dad and everyone fucking hates him.  Hopefully, if you are reading this, you don’t fucking care.  I generally don’t fucking care either, except for the fact that I am besieged by his doofus image in much of the highbrow media I consume.

But one thing really got me riled up, he recently quoted about some new girlfriend: “she loves me for who I am, not for what I do.”  What exactly do you do, beyond over-employing fertilization routines and tv crews?  Seriously, this guy has no fucking job, he got canned.  (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, many of the smartest, most attractive and hilariousest people get canned)  But seriously, what does this fucking guy do?   I am seriously getting sick of these reality “stars” – of the shows I don’t watch, of course.

All the single ladies, form an orderly line!
All the single ladies, form an orderly line!

9.  I recommend checking out some Florence + The Machine if you are hurting for new music.  She sounds a little like Natalie Merchant on a dianabol cycle to me.  I favor the lady singers, so there’s always the chance I’m overenthusiastic. “Kiss With a Fist” is pretty sweet but the video is tres lame, so I offer “Dog Days” instead.


10.  Since it didn’t make sense to stop at #9, here’s a herd of buffalo:

Bring on the lions
A Gary Larson wet dream

Have a swell weekend,

Chilly17, wasted potential personified

Ten Other Events That Could Cripple The Internet

Ten Other Events That Could Cripple The Internet

Here we are two weeks later, and Michael Jackson coverage is still everywhere.  Amazing.  I guess it shouldn’t be so shocking considering he was probably still the biggest star in the world, his international fame having apparently diminished less over the last two decades than here in the U.S.  What events (excluding war or terrorism) could even come close to matching Michael’s death as far as media coverage, internet crippling, and hysteria inciting?

#10.  Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt confuse “self promotion” with “self-immolation” on followup Today Show appearance

one can hope
One can hope, right?

#9.  Miley Cyrus has torrid, public affair with 47 year old proprietor of popular “Miley’s Countdown to 18 Years Old” website; Billy Ray approves, has cheese sandwich

#8.  Lady Gaga announces special benefit concert to be held in own vagina

#7.  Seth Rogen announces that he has turned down the opportunity to play a mumbling stoner in an upcoming comedic film

#6.  Michael Jordan announces that he is gay and dating Neil Patrick Harris

A couple with true cross-cultural appeal
A couple with true cross-cultural appeal

#5.  Chris Brown found beaten to death with three purity rings shoved up his ass; Rihanna / Jonas Brothers kick off North American tour

#4.  Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie produce and star in a hardcore pornographic film to be released in theaters; all proceeds from the film to benefit starving/poorly coiffed children around the world

#3.  Jon Gosselin wins custody of kids after Kate admits to participating in Pagan sacrifice rituals; Jon immediately hooks up with Octomom and TLC greenlights Jon & Nadya Plus Twenty

Candid shot at a Sam's Club on a diaper run
The happy couple on a $60k diaper run

#2.  J.K. Rowling and David Simon announce collaboration: three new Harry Potter novels, to be set in The Wire‘s Baltimore; first one tentatively titled Harry Potter and Oh Fuck It’s Omar

#1.  Heath Ledger and Joaquin Phoenix reveal recent death/bizarre behavior as hoaxes and announce plans for Brokeback II: Bareback Boogaloo

Better days
Hopefully this happens for the sake of Dark Knight II and struggling rappers everywhere

Wow, can’t believe it’s been six days since last post.  Fairly banged up since whirlwind 4th of July weekend in AC with ‘Tro and his lovely wife.  Apparently need 18 hours of sleep to fully recover.  Although I did go pretty strong for five consecutive days.  Whatever, I’m back now and will have some new stuff this week.

Later, Chilly17