It’s been a solid three months so far on the internet, I must admit. Although I am currently earning only -$10/month from this site, the chance to ether-mingle with such a solid crew of characters has led me to give something back to our budding community. Enter and enjoy!
Grand Prize: Club Sandwich from Murray’s Deli
First Prize: Cocktail of Your Choice from Casino Bar
Second Prize: Envelope Embossed with Hotel Logo (Non-Stamped)
Q: How does the contest work?
A: The first reader who physically brings me “The Phrase That Pays” between Friday, June 12th and Sunday, June 14th, will be the Grand Prize winner, and the next will be First Prize, etc. Or should that be Second Prize? I’m unsure of the convention for that.
Q: What is “The Phrase That Pays”?
A: That’s for you to find out! This ain’t no just-enter-and-win contest, you’ve got some work to do! First, record the first letter of the first paragraph from every post ever on this site. Do you have them all? Good, now anagram those up to find your first clue to where the Golden Key is hidden.
Q: What is the Golden Key?
A: It’s the key that unlocks the Vault of Mystery that contains the Phrase That Pays. You internet fuckers sure ask a lot of questions – think Amazing Race style.
Q: It’s that easy? What’s the catch?
A: It’s really that easy. Probably too easy given all the anagram decoders on the internet.
Q: Wait, where will you be to give you The Phrase?
A: Inside the Vault of Mystery will be a pair of special sunglasses and a Boggle game. DO NOT SHAKE THE DICE CUBES IN THE BOGGLE GAME! The Boggle game will lead you to a specific map store (assuming you can figure it out – remember that Boggle can go diagonal and shit), once inside the store, evaluate all the maps to determine which one has the most exquisite topographical detail. Once, and only once, you have made this determination, put on the special sunglasses. If you have chosen correctly, the Savage Coordinates will be revealed to you. If not, the special sunglasses are about to dissolve, Mission Impossible style. I’d probably take them off quickly, the Savage Coordinates will really jump out at you, you won’t have to squint or spend a lot of time analyzing it if you’ve gotten it right.
Q: So you’ll be at the Savage Coordinates?
A: No, there will be a guy named Jerry at the Savage Coordinates. You can’t trust everyone you meet on the internet, you know? If you check out okay with Jerry, he’ll point out where I am or yell at me to come over to the SC.
Q: So that’s it, right?
A: Pretty much, I think. Actually, as part of the contest you also need to bring two bottles of Goya Ginger Beer and some suntan lotion. And wear a Three Wolf tee shirt. That’s like an integral part of the contest.
Q: Wow, that’s awesome!
A: That’s not even a question – how can this be an “A” if there’s no “Q”? The editing around here sucks.
1. Must be 18 to enter.
2. Residents of NY, DE, MO, AK, KY, CA, MI, AL, OR, WA, GA, Puerto Rico and Gaum are ineligible.
3. No purchase necessary. No shit, there’s nothing to buy here.
4. Must be present to win (you’re probably again saying “no shit” as the above hopefully made that explicitly clear)
5. wastedpotentialz.com and any subsidiaries or sole proprietors of same are not responsible for any financial, emotional or physical distress that results from this contest.
6. Enter at your own risk, there is no moral obligation here. Also, wastedpotentialz.com not responsible for any costs incurred in completing the tasks involved. Just in case there is like, international travel, involved.
7. To be eligible for Grand Prize, following delivery of “The Phrase That Pays” contestant will be required to roll a minimum of three points on an outdoor craps table on his/her first roll. Failure to do so results in disqualification.
8. Employees of wastedpotentialz.com are eligible for this contest, as long as they really enjoy Murray’s Deli’s delicious club sandwich. It’s really fucking enormous though, so any employees (or relatives of employees of wastedpotentialz.com) are also eligible to, in a cost-conscious and there’s-starving-people-everywhere-don’t-be-fucking-disgusting manner, box up half for eating later, without scorn or ridicule from other people at the table such as “oh fancy boy can’t eat a whole club sandwich”.
9. Cash value of prizes: Grand Prize, $85; First Prize, $2; Second Prize, $6. Don’t think you’re not getting a 1099 for this.
10. No substitution, transfer, or assignment of prize permitted, except that wastedpotentialz.com reserves the right to substitute a prize of equivalent value in the event the offered prize is unavailable. All taxes on prizes are the sole responsibility of the prize winners.
11. General Conditions: Entrants agree to abide by the terms of these official rules and by the decisions of wastedpotentialz.com, which are final and binding on all matters pertaining to this sweepstakes, bitch. This sweepstakes is governed by the laws of the United States. All federal, state, and local laws and regulations apply (except for those that would preclude maximizing our good time, fuck those ones). Prize winners may be required to execute an affidavit of eligibility and liability/publicity release within seven (7) days following the date of winning a sandwich, drink or envelope. Non-compliance within this time period may result in you having to pay me back for said sandwich, drink or envelope. Entrants further grant to wastedpotentialz.com the right to use and publish their proper name, address, social security number, bank account information, sexual history, medical history, recent dental exam results, SAT and GMAT scores and last five (5) years federal and state tax returns online, in print, and in any other media in connection with the contest. Acceptance of a prize constitutes permission for wastedpotentialz.com to use winners’ names and likenesses (including what wastedpotentialz.com thinks you might look like naked) for advertising and promotional purposes without additional compensation unless prohibited by law.
Chilly17, still with the wasted potential